


But it brought me heaven

by millscully



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Military Background, Physical Disability, but it gets better, it's gonna be a sad one for a while
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:28:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27533011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millscully/pseuds/millscully
Summary: Major Ava Sharpe comes back home after an attack that almost killed her. But what happens when the city becomes too much for her to handle ? She decides to move to Mifflintown, there she'll find so much more than the peace and quiet she had been looking for.
Relationships: Sara Lance & Ava Sharpe, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 110
Kudos: 305





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi ! So this is by far the longest fic i've ever written, it's finished so you don't have to worry about it being left incomplete or something like that. I'll be updating once a week from now on.
> 
> I've been listening to Folklore by Taylor Swift non-stop and this is the result (yes, the title is from "invisible string")
> 
> First i'd like to say that this story will deal with heavy subjects, such as dealing with panic and anxiety attacks, night terrors, scars, injuries and flashback so please if you think any of these things could be a trigger don't read it, this story is not for you.
> 
> Second, i'll ask everyone to be gentle, english is not my first language and i'm sure you'll find some errors, please let me know in the comments and i'll try to edit ASAP.
> 
> You can find me in Twitter as @millscully.

Major Sharpe was sweating, like really sweating, she could feel the droplets of sweat traveling from her neck down her back and couldn’t help but shiver a little at the sensation. It’s not like she wasn’t used to the heat, after eight months in Afgahnistan you had two options, you get used to the heat or you suffer every single day, Ava could handle it, at 32 this was not her first tour and could handle herself, unlike some of the new recruits that suffered from dehydration at least for the first days. Ava had only one month left of this tour and then she could go home, and as much as she loved her job, she couldn’t wait to go home and meet her godson, Jake, who was five months old now. Nora had named her godmother as soon as she found out she was pregnant, Ray had been ecstatic at the prospect of having a baby. Nora and Ray had been in the army too, but decided to retire, with honors, almost two years ago, they wanted something different for their lifes, wanted to start a family, Ava had stayed, she didn’t have anyone waiting for her, the army was her family.

They were moving camp as a precaution, apparently someone had tipped Colonel Hunter that the rebels may had been planning an attack, so the next day they were moving to a new place. Her team, well hers and Hunter’s, she was second in command, were split in two trucks, surfing trough the desert, surrounded by nothing but sand, while the sun was shining above them, giving them hell.

I can’t wait to home and meet my daughter – said First Lieutenant Heywood breaking the silence – she’ll be one month old tomorrow.

Has Emma send you any new pictures ? – Ava asked.

Here – Nate handed her his cellphone.

Ava and Nate had known each other for three years now, he was like a little brother to her, and Ava didn’t miss a chance to adore his daughter, little Morgan was beautiful.

She’s adorable – Ava returned the cellphone with a smile – I’m sorry you missed her birth.

I’m sorry too – Nate smiled sadly – but we knew it was gonna happen, Emma and i knew it and talked about it, anyway, just one more month and i’ll have her in my arms.

There were other soldiers with them, but they were talking to each other, barely paying any attention to the conversation between Ava and Nate.

What about you ? – he asked – anyone special waiting for you to come home ?

The answer hasn’t changed since the last time you asked – she smiled – I’m anxious to meet Jake, he’s Nora’s image, but appears to have Ray’s personality.

How are they doing ? – they all had served together for five years before Nora and Ray retired.

They are happy.

Of course they are, it’s like they were made for each other. Remember the first time they met ?

Ray couldn’t take his eyes off her – Ava laughed – it took him some time, but he finally found the courage to ask Nora out after a year, and after that

It was history – Nate finished.

Both smiled at the memory, Ava could still remember the first time Nora talked to her about Ray, almost giggling like a schoolgirl, and Ava was happy for her, she had never seen her friend acting that way, and Ava knew Ray was a good man, she was sure they would be the happiest couple on earth. 

A few years later, Nora confessed that she and Ray would retire, Ava couldn’t help herself and a few tears had rolled down her face, she and Nora had been together since the very first day. They had been friends since day one at the academy, both raising trough ranks faster than any other soldier, that had gained both some enemies, but they couldn’t care less. Nora and Ava had decided to stick together, they knew that they had choosen a hard career, having to fight not only enemies to their country, but also sexism and misogyny, they decided to support and have each other’s back no matter what. After two years of knowing each other, Ava had finally told Nora that she was a lesbian, her friend hugged her and told her that she had nothing to worry about, she still loved her and would have her back. That was the first time in a long time that someone had told her she was loved, Ava cried that night, and Nora let her. Ava didn’t talk about her family, she had only said that her mother was still alive but they she hadn’t talked to her since finishing high school, almost fourteen years ago, she had a full scolarship to Hopkins, Ava had enlisted after graduating from Hopkins as a surgeon, top of her class, and never looked back.

How much longer do we have left ? – Nate was trying to peak out the window, but all he could see was sand.

Probably half an hour – Ava took her bottle of water and drank a long sip – Everyone drink water, i think today is going to be a hard one.

Every soldier with her obeyed the orders, Nate try to hide his smile and Ava swatted his arm. She looked at her team, or half of it really, cause the other half was in the other truck, she with 32 and Nate with 27 were the oldest, then came Murphy with 23 and the twins Joe and Billy with 20, they were good soldiers, knew when to take their orders and didn’t cause trouble. Amanda Murphy had gotten married right before the tour and her husband was waiting for her to come home, the twins had their father and mother waiting for them, Ava smiled, she was happy that everyone had a lovely family back home, that was much more than she herself had. 

Do you know how realiable was this source that tipped Colonel Hunter ? – Ava noticed that now the rest of the team was actually paying attention to them.

Reliable enough to be moving camp – was all she said, Nate knew that tone, it indicated that he shouldn’t ask anything more, at least not with other people around.

However a few minutes later everyone found out how realiable that source was.

The explosion came out of nowhere, as they often did, Ava saw how the truck with the other half of her team surged trough the air in flames, she had time to barely bark to her soldiers to protect their heads and grab their guns before it was their truck flying trough air now, from then on, everything was purely caos. 

Ava woke up with a start, her ears were ringing, she could taste sand and blood in her mouth, her vision was blurry and her head was spinning. She grabbed her gun, the one that was stripped to her neck and try to rise, only to scream in pain when she realized her left leg was actually pinned down under the truck, she couldn’t move, Ava looked around and saw Nate a few meters away, he wasn’t moving, Ava was about to yell his name when a young man approached her.

Pretend to be dead – he said – i tried to warn your boss, he should have moved the camp earlier – he murmured with a thick accent.

Ava couldn’t think straight, the pain in her leg was killing her, she could feel blood tricking down her face from her head, so when the man pushed her to the ground she didn’t do anything but stay still while the ringing in her ears continued. A few seconds later, she thinks, but’s not really sure, the young man yelled something to his partners, Ava knew persian, the man had told his partners that she was dead, he had saved her life.

Some time later Ava woke up, the sun was setting, so she could tell a few hours had passed. She moved her hands, still working, and try to clean some of the blood that was coating her left eye, then, still with her head on the ground took a look around, Nate was still lying on the floor, in the same position she had seen him the last time, her eyes were full of tears but she couldn’t let them down yet, trying not to scream she rised her upper body, and took a look at her leg, it was bad, really bad, blood was everywhere, using one of her hands as support she used the other to touch her leg, she couldn’t feel it, suddenly Ava realized that she couldn’t even feel pain in her leg, that was really, really bad. 

Sharpe – a voice to her right said suddenly, she gripped her gun by instinct.

Who’s there ? – the ringing in her ears had died a little but it was still there – I said, who’s there ? – she said mustering strenght in her voice and gripping her gun harder.

It’s me – she recognized that voice.

Rip ? – then the image of her superior came into focus.

Yes – he was walking slowly, dragging his leg, his right hand was in his abdomen – How bad is it ?

The sun had finally settled and Ava could barely see, however she could tell that even if Rip was walking, he was in worst shape than her.

I can’t feel my leg – she answered – or move it, ringing in my ears, bleeding wound in my head. What about you ?

Bad leg – he bent down slowly next to her – And i’m holding my intestines in my hand, so i’ll say pretty bad.

They were screwed, she knew it and Rip knew it.

What the hell happened ? – there was no point in talking any further about their injuries.

I told you someone had tipped me off – she nodded – but the information was messed up, i couldn’t figure out if we should move while the sun was still up or after it had settled, so i took a chance.

Ava wanted to yell at him, he took a chance and now Nate was dead, her team was dead, their team was dead.

I’m sorry – Ava couldn’t even form a sentence – This is all my fault – and it was, she didn’t say anything, he should have consulted her about it, instead of keeping the information as confidencial as he did.

Did you call for an emergency evacuation ?

Yes, they should be here in a few hours – he rested his back against the truck – If we are lucky.

Are we the only ones? – she didn’t say alive, she couldn’t say it, she was not ready to say out loud that her entire team was dead.

Yes – Rip had closed his eyes – I thought i was the only one until i heard movement here, it was you, i called out for the others a few hours ago, no one answered. 

Ava closed her eyes, finally let some tears roll down her face.

Major Sharpe ! – she opened her eyes inmediately at the comand – Do not fall sleep – Rip’s voice cut trough the night – That is an order.

Yes, sir – she gripped her gun again and tried to think of something else to keep her mind off thinking about her leg and her injuries, about Rip bleeding out almost next to her, about Nate and his body laying down a few meters away, she try to think of Jake, try to think about Nora’s laugh and Ray goofing around.

You’re making it out of here alive Ava – Rip murmured, he was tired, she could tell – That’s an order too.

Yes, sir – she repeated.

The next time Ava woke up she did so to voices, she was surrounded by people, tried to grip her gun but realized that she didn’t have it anymore.

Rest Major Sharpe – a voice said – You’re in a plane, we’re going home, try to rest.

Ava took a look around, she saw she was the only one been tended to, body bags were piled around, she closed her eyes, she was the only one alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ! Thank you so much for all the kudos and reviews, they make me so happy. Don't be shy about leaving comments, i'd love to hear your opinions. Anyway, here's the new chapter, i cried writing it so you may wanna have a box of tissues near by ;)
> 
> Please remember the trigger warnings, in this chapter: burns, scars, injuries, flashbacks, anxiety, panick attacks, night terrors

Nora Darkh woke up to the sound, more like screeching of her cellphone, she let out a whine, the young mother felt like she had just gone to bed after putting her five months old baby boy to sleep.

"Hello ?" – she said without opening her eyes, she was so tired.

"Is this Major Nora Darkh ?" – a formal voice at the end of the line questioned.

"Yes" – Nora sat up in bed and turned on her lamp night, it had been a few years since someone refered to her as Major. 

"Okay Major Darkh, this is Colonel Benson, i’m calling on behalf of Major Ava Sharpe, you’re listed as her emergency contact."

"Is she alive ?" – Nora cut to the chase, she knew all about this types of calls, and there was only two options, either they were calling to inform of a death or a serious injury, she began to shake Ray, trying to get him to wake up.

"She’s alive Major Darkh"– Nora let go of the air she was holding – "She’s been seriously injured and is about to touch land in the US, she’ll go to the Washington Memorial."

"I’ll be there in an hour" – she hung up and closed her eyes for a few seconds.

"What’s wrong ?" -Ray next to her was rubbing her eyes.

"Ray get up" – she said while throwing away the blankets – "Ava’s hurt."

"How bad is it ? "– he asked, all trace of sleep gone.

"Bad enough for them to call her emergency contact" – Nora went to the bathroom, while Ray finished changing and prepared the baby bag –" I’ll warm the milk" – she said taking care of the microwave while Ray took his turn in the bathroom.

"Ready ? "- he asked, Nora nodded while she finished stripping a still sleeping baby Jake to the car seat – "She’ll be okay, she’s strong."

"I fucking told her to retire with us" – she said while her eyes filled with tears, they went down to the garage and Nora strapped the car seat to the backseat, checking twice that the safety straps where properly secured –" I’ll should have insisted more."

"She didn’t want to honey" – Ray said while starting the engine, Nora took a sit in the passenger seat and closed the door – "You know how she is… she is Ava."

"I know"– Nora breathed trough her nose – "I know."

\--------

An hour later they arrived to the Washington Memorial, Nora bursted trough the door while Ray walked behind her carrying Jake.

"Hi, i’m here to see Major Sharpe, she was brought here today" – she said in a rush to the receptionist.

"Third floor" – a young man answered.

"Why won’t this damn thing move faster?!" – an exasperated Nora pushed againg the button, like if by doing so the elevator would move faster, Ray didn’t say anything.

"Colonel Benson ?" – a man in uniform was waiting while talking to another officer.

"Major Darkh" – Nora nodded –" Major Palmer" – Ray Nodded – "Major Sharpe was seriously injured in a rebel attack, her leg was pinned several hours under a truck, she suffered minor lacerations in her arms and more serious ones in her back, she also had a concussion and was midly dehydrated" – the Colonel explained quickly – "I’m sorry but that’s all i can say for now, she’s in surgery right now and i’m sure her doctor we’ll be able to explain all this better than me."

"How long has she been in surgery ?"

"Three hours now, she was first tended to in camp, they stabilized her enough to be able to flight here, she was rushed to the OR and we are waiting for news now."

"What about her team ?" – Ray asked while Jake fussed a little.

"She’s the only one alive, everyone died, Colonel Hunter was the one who called for a emergency evacuation, but his injuries were too serious and by the time our team made it there, he, and everyone else, were already dead."

"Oh no Nate" – Nora said while finally some tears fell down her face.

"I’ll give you two a few minutes" – Colonel Benson left the couple alone, returning to his conversation with the younger officer.

Nora and Ray hugged each other, both of them crying, Nate was a good friend, he was so young.

"He had just become a father" – Raid murmured while hugging Jake to his chest – "He didn’t even get to meet his daughter."

Two hours later a woman emerged, covered in blood, from the OR.

"Family for Ava Sharpe ?" – she asked, Nora jumped from her seat, Ray right behind her – "Okay first i’m gonna tell you she’s alive" – Nora exhaled, relief coursing trough her body – "the damage to her left leg is very serious, she suffered what we call “impacted fracture” the force of the impact pushed her femur and tibia together, generally an injury like this would take up to eight weeks maybe a couple weeks more to heal, the problem in this case, is that her leg was pinned down for several hours, restricting the flow of blood, we managed to save her leg but we can’t tell for now if she’ll ever be able to use it again, specially because on top of the fracture some pieces of metal cut trough the nerve fiber in her leg."

"So, what you’re saying is that she has her leg but won’t be able to use it or feel it ?" -Nora asked.

"Yes, but it all depends of the healing process and the physical therapy she’ll have to endure, with time she may be able to use her leg again, and about the feeling, well nerve regeneration is very complicated, we’ll have to wait and see how she recovers first."

"What about her other injuries ?" – Ray interrupted while laying a comforting hand on her wife’s shoulder.

"Both of her arms had first degree burns, they’ll heal in about fifteen days, maybe faster, her back is another thing, the burns there were of third degree, we had to use skin graft for those and she’ll have to be here for a few weeks because we can’t risk an infection, the concussion was the minor of her injuries, she had a cut above her forehead, needed a couple of stitches and nothing else."

"How long will she have to be here ?" – Nora was biting her nails.

"Maybe a month or two" – the doctor placed a comforting hand in Nora’s shoulder – "The important thing right now is that she’s alive, she made it back home."

"When can we see her ? "– Ray asked while bouncing a very much awake Jake.

"Because of her burns i’ll advice only one person in with her" – Nora inmediately said she’ll do it – "You’ll need to wear protective gear to prevent infection, especially for the injuries in her back. I’ll come to get you once she’s in her room."

"Thank you Doctor" – Ray shaked the woman’s hand and the same did Nora.

Half an hour later Nora was wearing a gown, gloves and a mask while going into Ava’s room, the brunette couldn’t help but let some tears fall while watching her friend. Ava was as pale as she had ever seen her, her left leg was in a cast, her arms were covered in bandages, she assumed the same were in her back, and she had a couple stitches above her forehead, she looked tired. Nora sat in one of the chairs that was in Ava’s room while holding the blonde’s hand for about an hour, when she felt her friend hand’s twitch a little.

"Ava ?" – Nora stood up – "Honey, can you hear me ?" – Ava’s eyes fluttered, she was clearly trying to open them –" Take it easy, you’re okay" – she whispered while giving Ava’s hand a little squeeze.

"Nora ?" – her voice was raspy, her words a little slurred, and after effect of the anesthesia the doctor had warned Nora about.

"It’s me" – she sighed with relief – "It’s me, you’re okay."

Ava finally opened her eyes, the light blinding her for a few seconds, she try to shield her eyes but let out a yelp while trying to raise her right arm.

"Take it easy" – Nora tried to calm her down – "Do you know where you are ?"

"At a hospital obviously "– Ava groaned, Nora chuckled – "What happened ?"

"I think i should call the doctor" – Nora knew she was going to be the one to tell Ava everything that had happened, but she didn’t want her friend to hurt herself, having a doctor in the room was a good precaution she thought.

"Major Sharpe, you’re awake" – the doctor smiled a little, Nora trailing behind her – "How do you feel ?"

"I’m tired" – Ava said – "Everything hurts."

"I’ll talk to one of the nurses and increase your dosis of analgesics" – the doctor wrote something in her chart – "Do you remember what happened ?"

It took Ava a few seconds, but now she was awake enough, Nora could tell the exact moment her friend remembered everything because Ava’s eyes were filled with tears in an instant and her breathing became agitated.

"No" – she mumbled while a few tears travelled down her face – "Nate ? "– of course he was the first person she would ask about, Nora shook her head in negative while a few tears of her own fell – "Anyone ?" – Nora didn’t need her friend to complete the question, she shook her head again, more tears escaped Ava’s eyes – "No, no, no" – she sobbed – "Please no" – the monitors that were attached to her began to beep, indicating that her heart rate had gone up – "This is not happening" – she sobbed, when she tried to get up from bed the doctor tried to calm her down, when that became impossible she called for one of the nurses, and with her help, Ava was sedated – "Nora please tell me this isn’t happening "– she begged.

"I’m sorry honey" – Nora tried to keep her voice steady – 2Try to rest, okay ? I’ll be right here when you wake up, i promise."

It was almost night time the next time Ava woke up, Nora was sleeping in the chair next to her, bend in an awkward angle that could not be remotely comfortable, Ava closed her eyes for a few second willing her tears to go away and took a few calming and deep breaths.

"Ava ?" – Nora grumbled, standing up – "Are you awake ?"

"Yes "– came the raspy answer.

"Are you in pain ? Do you want me to call the doctor ?"

"No" – Ava swallowed trying to control her emotions, she finally opened her eyes – "I’m thirsty."

Nora filled up a glass of water and gave it to Ava with a straw.

"Take little sips or you’ll get sick" – Ava nodded.

"Did i lose my leg ?" – she asked while giving back the glass.

"What ?" – of course, Ava was laying down and she couldn’t see her legs, and for the damage done to the nerve she couldn’t feel it either – "No honey, you didn’t lost it."

"Why can’t i feel it ?" – she tried to raise her head to take a look but that was too much effort apparently.

"Okay the doctor will be able to explain this better than me but, you suffered some damage to the nerves and because of the amount of time the leg was pinned down under the truck, well it’s… it’s serious Ava."

"What about my arms ? " -she said looking down at them, she didn’t even remember those injuries.

"You have first degree burns in your arms" – Nora explained – "the doctor said they’ll heal quickly enough" – Ava nodded – "and you’ve got a third degree burn in your upper back" – Ava seemed surprised – "You don’t remember getting those ?"

"No, all i remember is the pain in my leg" – she said while trying to remember more, but she couldn’t, her mind was foggy.

"It’s okay honey, you need to rest" – Nora squeezed her hand – "I’ll call the doctor now and she’ll explain everything to you, okay ?" – Ava nodded and Nora left the room only to come back a few minutes later.

The doctor had patiently explained Ava everything about her injuries, specially they talked about the one in her leg, the recovery time expected and how long would she have to stay in the hospital, at the end, Ava was just too tired to keep listening and the doctor told her she would be back the next day to check on her.

"I’m not really hungry" – Ava shrugged while Nora try to feed her.

"Ava, you heard what the doctor told you, you need to eat something" – Nora sighed – "Please just try."

"Where are Ray and Jake ?" – she asked after swallowing.

"I told Ray to go home a few hours ago, Jake was getting restless."

"You should go with them."

"Don’t be stupid Sharpe" – she scolded – "I’m not leaving you and that’s the end of this discussion."

Ava knew that tone and knew when to pick her fights, she couldn’t win this one.

"Do you want me to call your mom ? " – Nora asked with caution, checking the reaction of her friend.

"No" – she inmediately refused – " I haven’t seen her since i left for college, she tried to send me to conversion therapy and then kicked me out of the house, remember ?"

"I remember" – Ava had told her everything about it – "I was just asking, i won’t call her if you don’t want me to."

"Okay, because i don’t" – Nora nodded – "I’m tired."

"Okay, try to sleep" – the brunette helped Ava lay down slowly, then kissed her forehead – "I’ll be here" – Ava’s eyes were halfway closed already, she mumbled something that Nora couldn’t catch and then fell asleep.

Ten weeks later Ava was discharged from the hospital, the burns had healed nicely, the ones in her arms didn’t even let scars, the one in her back was another thing, but she didn’t really want to think about it. She was held in the hospital until she could stand up in her own, using a crutch, for a few minutes. The recovery left her tired every single day, all she wanted was to lay in bed, but that was not an option when the nurses came to get her for every single activity. Now, she was living in Ray and Nora’s house, she had finally met her godson, he was a chubby beautiful thing and Ava couldn’t help but love him inmediately.

"Do you want me to take him ?" – Ray came into the room she was currently sitting with Jake gurgling happily in her lap.

"No, it’s okay" – she loved sitting with the baby, specially when she was feeling extremely anxious, sniffing his little head calmed her down.

"Okay let me know if you get tired " – Ava nodded – "Can i get you anything to eat ?"

"No, thank you Ray."

"Ava, you know Nora will kill me if you don’t eat, so please" – he begged and Ava chuckled.

"Okay fine, whatever you can cook i’ll eat it, deal ?"

"Deal" – Ray left her alone and after a few minutes it happened.

Apparently Ray had dropped a few plates, the sound that came from the kitchen indicated so, but Ava’s brain didn’t get that, she barely made it on time to drop baby Jake in his stroller before her pulse went higher, and higher, and higher, suddenly she was not in the living room, she was in war zone and they were under enemy attack, she could feel the heat and sand in her skin, in her mouth, the sand was everywhere, and then she was pinned under the car again, only this time she could feel the pain of the burn in her back, and it was killing her, she was gasping for air, clawing at her throat. 

"Ava breathe" – that voice was wrong, Ava thought, Nora was not with her in the attack – "Breathe honey" – Nora had retire, that was wrong how could she be there with her – "You’re safe, you’re home" – Ava wanted to open her eyes, to scream Nora to get away but she couldn’t – "You’re home and you’re safe, Ava come back" – slowly the blonde opened her eyes, she saw her friend looking at her worriedly – "It’s okay, you’re safe."

"I was there again" – she gasped – "and i could feel everything, the pain in my back, the sand in my mouth" – she was struggling for air again.

"Can i touch you ?" – Ava nodded, Nora took one of her hands and placed it in her own chest –" I want you to breathe with me, okay ?" – the blonde nodded again –" Just breathe when i do it" – Nora took a deep breathe and Ava did the same – "That’s it" – a few more minutes passed until Ava had calmed down enough – "You’re okay."

"I could feel everything" – a few tears were rolling down Ava’s face.

"You just had a flashback, and a panic attack i think" – Nora explained – "I came to check on you after Ray dropped the plates, you were completely still at first and didn’t answer when i called you, then you began to struggle for air."

Ava didn’t know what to say, of course she knew what flashbacks and panic attacks were, she just didn’t know that they could feel so real, that she could feel so out of control. After that she decided to visit a psychiatrist, and after a few episodes Ava knew her life had gone to hell, she couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, everything was a trigger, she had panic and anxiety attacks almost every single day, weeks later she was diagnosed with PTSD. 

Everything had gone downhill, and after some months in a dark place Ava couldn’t see a way out, that’s until Lyra came along.

One night, Nora got home late, late even for her own standars, Ava and Ray were waiting for her to have dinner, Jake had gone to bed a few hours away, suddenly a ball of fur raced trough the kitchen, startling Ava, but Ray was smiling, openly smiling, like this was not a surprise at all.

"Um, Nora, there’s a dog in your kitchen ?" – Ava said looking at her friend.

"I know " – the brunette smirked.

"So on top of having a friend with PTSD that doesn’t let you sleep because of her night terrors you decided to get a dog who’ll bark all night and wake Jake ? "

"Oh but the dog’s not mine" – Nora smiled – " It’s yours."

"Mine ?" – Ava was confused – "Why do i need a dog ?"

"Nora and I did a bit of research" – Ray finally spoke up –" Dogs are excellent companions for veterans who have PTSD, we think that she’ll help you in your recover."

"Her name is Lyra " – Nora said while giving the dog a treat – "She’s not any dog, she’s special, she’s been trained since birth."

"I don’t know what to say " – Ava’s voice quivered a little – "Thank you " – she hugged Nora and then Ray.

"You’ll get better, after dark there’s nothing but light" – the brunette whispered in the blonde’s ear, and neither, not even Ray, could help but let some tears fall.

"You’ll have to train with her" – Ray said while petting Lyra – "We’ll take you to the sessions, you need to work with her, so she learns how to respond to your needs, she’ll also learn to obey you."

"But how am i going to go ? I can’t drive" – driving was not an option when cars honking were ones of her triggers, they had learned that after a particularly nasty travel to the grocery store that involved a lot of yelling and cursing from Nora to the driver that had cut and then honk to them.

"We’ll take time off from our jobs" – Nora easily explained.

"What ? No, i can’t ask you to do that " – the blonde protested.

"You’re not asking" – Ray replied – "Besides it’s already done, we organized our schedules so one of us we’ll always have time to take you. "

"I can’t thank both of you for everything you’ve done this past few months" – Ava said – "I love you guys."

"I love you too honey" – Nora hugged her tightly – "It’s gonna take time but you’ll get there."

"I love you Ava" – Ray say hugging her even more tightly than Nora – "We’ll always be here for you."

After that Nora proclaimed that she was starving, they sat at the table and had dinner peacefully, Lyra had sat beside Ava without anyone telling her to do so, the blonde smiled a little while petting the dog, her dog, Nora saw the interaction and hided a smile of her own.

After retiring for the night Ava went to her room, Lyra following her.

"Hey Lyra" – Ava was sitting in her bed, the Golden retriever’s ears inmediately perk up at hearing her name – "I’m Ava " – she murmured while holding up her hand, Lyra put her paw on it – "I really need your help and i really hope you’ll be able to help me" – Lyra licked her face and Ava smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, thank you for leaving kudos and comments, i love to hear your opinions ! 
> 
> Here's another chapter, the one where Ava decides that she needs a change and goes looking for a new beginning, hope you like it !

A year had gone by since the accident, Ava and Lyra had become inseparable in the few months they had been together, since Lyra was a properly trained dog she could go in with Ava to any public place because she was protected by law, and Ava could not thank that enough. After training together Lyra had learned a lot about Ava, she could pinpoint the exact moment the blonde was about to have an anxiety or panic attack, she could wake her up from night terrors, help her come back from a flashback, could fetch her medicines, and when Ava was feeling specially down and didn’t even wanna get out of bed Lyra always appeared with her leash, so Ava would have to get out of bed and take her out.

However not everything was pink, Ava still got panic attacks every week, wich was an improvement from having them daily but still, she still woke up screaming from night terrors and even though the triggers were less, they still were there, living in the city was not easy for her, not easy at all. Besides, she began to feel like a burden to Nora and Ray, even to Jake, she felt as she was stealing time from the baby when his parents had to stay up for her, of course her friends never said anything and they were more than happy to have her, but she could see how tired they were, specially now that Jake was taking his first steps and they had to follow him everywhere.

A few weeks ago Ava had been searching for places to move, she needed to get out of the city, she needed peace, a place where she could breath and have a fresh start, almost out of nowhere a post had appeared, about a cabin being rented in Mifflintown, Ava searched pictures of the small town and fell in love with it, it was exactly what she needed. 

Exactly a year after the accident, as they called it, the three of them plus Jake, were going to the cementery where a ceremony was to take place to honor the fallen soldiers, Ava hadn’t been able to go to their funerals because of her condition, wich she had deeply regreted at the time, but now, seeing their familes, her team’s families, knew she couldn’t have done it last year, hell she could barely stand there now, a year later. She saw Emma, holding a little Morgan in her arms, she gave her a hug but could not bring herself to say anything, she shook hands with Murphy’s husband, and with the twins’ father and mother, but that’s all she could manage, after doing it, she choose a sit in the last row and let her tears silently fall while the ceremony took her place. That had not been a good day, coming back home Ava had two panic attacks in a row, Lyra was exhausted lying beside her owner, and was still whimpering from the last one while hearing Ava cry in her bed.

"Honey, how are you ?" – Nora went into the room after knocking, bringing a chamomile tea with her – "I know this has been a rough day."

"It has been a rough year Nora, a fucking rough year, life, whatever" – she snapped – "I’m sorry, i’m just… I’m so tired of all this" – she apologized taking the cup her friend was offering.

"I know, I’m sorry, i wish there was something i could do "

"You’ve done enough, you and Ray have done more than enough for me" – Ava sipped the tea and knew this was the moment – "I can’t live like this anymore."

"What do you mean ? "– Nora asked, concern in her voice.

"I can’t live here anymore, i just… there’s so much noise, too much people, it’s too much of everything, and when a trigger goes away another one is waiting at the door, i can’t do it anymore."

"We can move, we can move to somewhere quiet and peaceful" – Nora murmured.

"No, you, Ray and Jake are not moving because of me, this is your house, it’s your family, this is your life Nora, the one you’ve always wanted and the one you’ve worked so hard for"- she took a deep breath - " I’m moving to Mifflintown, Pennsylvania."

"Pennsylvania ?" -Nora choked – "Ava honey you don’t have to move please."

"It’s decided, they have a great hospital there, i’ll continue my recovery and treatment and maybe i could get a job there later."

"You’re not a burden to us, you know ? I know you think you are, but i promise you are not. Ray and I, even Jake, we all love you so much Ava, we want you here."

"I know" – Ava didn’t share her feelings about how she did felt as a burden for the family –" I know and i love you all too, but this is what i need, i need to breath, i need a fresh start."

"Are you sure ?" – Nora had tears in her eyes – "You can always come back."

"I’m sure" – Ava nodded – " This is what i need."

"Okay then" – Nora stood up taking the empty cup from Ava’s hand - "I love you Ava."

"I love you too Nora" – the friends hugged each other for a couple of minutes, it felt like saying goodbye already.

The next weeks were spent finding a new home for Ava, at the end, she had choosen the cabin in the outside of the city, the place was surrounded by a forest and if she walked a couple miles there was a lake, Ava saw a picture of the place when it had snowed and she had fallen in love, a couple of calls and a few transactions later and the cabin was hers, she also bought a car and gone were the savings from her entire life, but it was worth it, it had to be. She had also sold her own apartment, and was getting her paychecks from the army, she had retired with honors after all, so she wouldn’t starve or anything, she had money, that was not exactly one of her worries at the moment. Over the next days Ava had to learn to drive again, the car was specially modified for her and the problem in her leg, but it could still be driven by a person with no disabilities, at the same time she was re-learning to drive, she was working on controlling her breathing, anxiety attacks and triggers, Lyra was always on her side, and it was good that the dog was able to pick on Ava’s distress even before she even noticed, that gave Ava time to park and take a few minutes to calm herself before going into the road again.

Two months later everything was ready, she packed the last of her things into the car and prepared herself to say goodbye. 

"You have everything ?" – Nora had been fussing the entire week – "GPS’s working ?" – Ava nodded – "Food, oh my god do you have food for the trip ? Ray she doesn’t have food"

"Nora, calm down" – Ava took her friends by the shoulder – "It’s only a five hour drive, i have everything i need and yes, i also have food, you made it last night for me, remember ?"

"Okay, okay" – Nora took Ava’s hands between hers – "Please promise you’ll call if you need something, anything, even if it is the middle of the night, promise you’ll call."

"I promise" – Ava conceded.

"Ava i’m going to miss you" – Ray said with eyes full of tears – "We missed you so much while you were away, but now you’re here, it’s only a five hour drive and we’ll visit as much as posible, i promise."

"I know Ray, i’ll miss you too" – Ava hugged her friend tightly – " And i’ll miss you so much Jake" – she took the baby in her arms and Jake laughed happily.

"Auntie Ava" – he gurgled in his own language while touching her hair.

"I love you Jake" – she sniffed his head for a few seconds and then gave him back to Ray.

"Nora darling" – Nora was openly crying now, she didn’t even try to hide it –" Please, look you made me cry too."

"I’m sorry."

"It’s okay" – Ava chuckled – "I think we both needed the tears we’ve shared the past year" – Nora chuckled too – " I can’t thank you enough for everything you have done for me, you and Ray, you are my sister Nora, and I’ll never stop loving you, okay ?"

"Promise you’ll visit" – Nora sobbed – "I’m missing you already."

"I promise, okay ? I promise i’ll call and i’ll visit as often as posible."

"Okay" – Nora nodded trying to convice herself to let go – "I almost lost you once, i’m not ready to do it again."

"You won’t, i promise" – Nora nodded – " I love you."

"I love you too, now go before i tie you to the bed" – Nora hugged her again, everyone, even Jake was crying now, they hugged for minutes until both decided it was enough – "Take care of her Lyra" – the dog barked, and Nora smiled – "Yeah, you better" – Ava laughed. 

Checking one last time that she had everything that she needed Ava opened her door, put her cane, she prefered it now instead of a crutch, in place and then opened the passenger door for Lyra, taking one last look, Ray was hugging Nora, both of them had tears in their faces now, she drove away to her new life, a better one she hoped.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where we finally meet Sara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of their first encounter on the comments !
> 
> As i said on the first chapter, english is not my first language, i made a huge effort to try and describe Ava's new house but if you find huge mistakes let me know in the comments and i'll try to edit them ASAP.

It was nearing afternoon when Ava arrived to her new home, she had texted with the sales woman who was suppossed to give her the keys, and there she was, an old lady was waiting in the steps of the porch.

"You must be Ava" – she said with a smile shaking her hand.

"Ms Fowle, nice to meet you" – Lyra barked – "Yeah, sorry, this is Lyra."

"Nice to meet you too Lyra" – the woman smiled – "Okay i’m sure you’re tired after the drive so here" – she took a couple of keys – "originals and a copy in case you want to give them to anyone, the house is clean, i came this morning to open up the windows and let the fresh air run trough it. You have my number, so if you have any trouble please don’t doubt to give me a call."

"I will, thank you Ms. Fowle" – she placed both copies of the keys in the backpocket of her jeans, the woman smiled one last time and climbed into her own car.

"What do you say Lyra, should we take a look inside ? " – Lyra barked and wagged her tail – "Come on girl."

The first thing Ava noticed while entering the house was that the pictures didn’t make it justice, it was even more beautiful than what she thought. The wood floor was squeaky clean an almost appeared to be new, the first thing she saw was the living room, a fireplace was at the end of the room, a black coffee table was in the center, at one side there was a comfy cream colored left arm loveseat that she thought would come in hand to take naps, next to it there was a big black comfy chair in wich she could see herself reading a book and drinking coffee in the cold afternoons of winter, but the best thing were the windows, both the loveseat and the chair were facing towards it, only it wasn’t just a window, it was a bay window seat, facing straight into the forest, and Ava inmediately fell in love with it, she could see herself watching the rain outside with a warm cup of tea between her hands. In the room there was also a Smart tv of about forty inches. Next and to her left, it was the kitchen, unlike the living room, everything in there looked a little more modern, and Ava had checked twice that it was big enough because she loved cooking, in the center of the room there was a black high woden table with four chairs, cabinets were on the floor and also up against the walls, the oven was great, Ava was happy to find that it was the same she had in her old apartment, the refrigerator was a doble door one, and Ava had to thank Mrs. Fowle because when she opened it she saw there was homemade dinner in there. Above the sink there was a window, facing to her backyard where she could see herself playing with Lyra. Next she went up the stairs, and even though Nora had asked more than once if she wanted a house with stairs Ava had said yes, it was true, she would have some problems with her leg, but she needed the exercise anyway, so slowly she made her way up, making sur to place her cane in the right steps, Lyra was waiting for her up there already. 

"I know, i’ll get faster, i promise" – she said while scratching Lyra behind her ears, the dog wagged her tail happily.

The bedroom, her bedroom, was big too, in the center there was a queen sized bed, everything was decorated following the same pattern that the rooms below, cream coloured tones, black and brown wood and comfy details that were everything Ava had wanted, here there was also a bay window seat, this one facing to her backyard, there was two nightstands, one at each side of the bed, a big wardrobe in front of it, and a chest of drawers at the right, then there was the bathroom, with a big bathtub, big enough to fit easily two people, although Ava couldn’t think of anyone she could share it with, the water was scalding hot, just like she liked it, and the pressure was excellent, there was also a mirror against the wall an another set of drawers underneath it, there was also a cabinet for towels, and other things. 

The last room in her house was the one she decided to use as an office, it was in the same floor as her bedroom, Ava opened the door and took a little bit of time to watch it before going inside, she could picture her desk near the window, early mornings working while rays of sun came trough the window, the moving truck that she had hired was suppossed to arrive this week, she couldn’t wait to have her books with her, and the bookshelves she had picked a few years ago and loved so much, closing the door she went downstairs again with a smile on her face.

"What do you say, should we have dinner and take a walk ?" – at the mention of going for a walk Lyra gave little jumps – "Let’s get to it."

After heating the lasagne Mrs. Fowle left for her, she sat in one of the chairs, Lyra eating on the floor beside her, Ava took a look around and sighed, she could do this, everything would be okay from now on.

After washing the dishes and putting them back in their place, she made sure to have the keys in her pocket, her cellphone, took Lyra’s leash and closed the door. The sun was about to set, but she wasn’t planing to go very far, she just wanted to take a look outside.

"Come on Lyra" – even if the dog was excited to explore, she knew better than to run away and was waiting by the door for Ava’s to give her the order, permission to go – "How’s Autumn near already ?" – she said to Lyra, actually it was only May but she could see some fallen leaves on the floor, the ones still in the trees were beggining to change color, and the ones on the floor made a scrunchy noise when she stepped on them, half an hour must have passed, she had gotten distracted looking around, not only at the trees, but also paying attention to the floor, she had her cane and couldn’t risk falling or trapping either her foot or cane somewhere on the floor, that’s why when she looked up getting ready to go back, Ava realized that she had gotten lost.

"Shit" – she muttered while calling Lyra, in other circumstances Lyra would be able to get her home, but this was a new place for the dog too – "Lyra we’re lost" – she said while attaching the leash to the dog who had been walking freely until now, Ava couldn’t risk Lyra getting lost too. She kept walking for about fifteen minutes, until she saw a light, maybe her neighbours would be able to help her.

"Who’s there ?" – before she could say anything someone was stepping outside – "I said, who’s there ?" – a woman’s voice asked.

Ava got closer and saw a blonde pointing a shotgun straight to her chest.

"Hey" – she said unsure – "I got lost."

"Who are you ?" – the woman asked without putting the gun down.

"I just moved to the cabin" – she wasn’t sure if next door was the right expression but used it anyway – "next door, i guess ? I was taking a walk and got lost" – the blonde looked at her with suspicion, Lyra barked loudly – "Can you put your gun down ?" – Ava finally say with exasperation.

"Right, sorry" – the woman approached her, after leaving the shotgun at her door – "Who’s this ? "– she asked with a smile in her face looking at Lyra, but the dog was not having it, she barked again, and growled.

"Stop, i’m okay" – Ava ordered with confidence in her voice – "Sit" – the dog obeyed her.

"I take it she doesn’t like me ?"

"She doesn’t like people who point her gun at me" – Ava blurted – "and i think it’s perfectly reasonable."

"You’re right, look i’m sorry about the gun" – the blonde looked at Ava while apologizing, she couldn’t help but being mesmerized by the blue in the woman’s eye, she had never seen anything like it –" I’m Sara."

"Ava"" – she said shaking her hand.

"You moved to the cabin at the east ?" – Ava nodded – "Ms. Fowle left you lasagne in the refrigerator ?"

"How do you know that ?"  
""She left me one too when i moved here, it’s like her welcoming gift or something like that" – the blonde said with a smile – "So, what’s her name?"

"Her name is Lyra" – she scratched behind the dog’s ears.

"Will she bite me if i touch her ?"

"Wouldn’t you like to find out ?" – Ava smirked.

"Look i’m really sorry about the gun" – Sara apologized again –" It’s just that… Nothing just i’m sorry."

"Do you point your gun to anyone who gets close ?"

"No, only to beautiful blondes who appear out of nowhere with a dog at their side"– she was the one smirking now, Ava hated herself for blushing.

"Anyway i should get going, it’s late" – she mumbled.

"Wait, let me walk you home, the forest can get tricky at night."

"I don’t need your help" – she snapped, she saw the way Sara had watched the cane, she didn’t need to be pitied by anyone, and especially not by a stranger.

"But, but" – Sara stuttered - "you just said you are lost."

"That doesn’t mean i won’t be able to find my way back, i don’t need your help."

"Fine, suit yourself."

Ava tugged a little at Lyra’s leash, she heard the blond sigh behind her, but didn’t turn back. An hour later she was back home, it had been hard finding the way back, she and Lyra had gone further than she thought. After getting water for the dog, she went upstairs, her leg was throbbing at the effort. Ava quickly discarded her clothes and sunk herself into the hot water of the bathtub, she closed her eyes and took a few minutes to relax in the water before getting ready for bed.

A few hours later Ava woke up with her heart hammering against her chest, Lyra was whining at her side, having just woken her up from a nightmare.

It had been a long time since Ava had been pointed with a gun, and looking back she should have seen this coming, that’s way Lyra was so upset earlier that day, the dog had picked on Ava’s distress. Groaning Ava took a look at her cellphone, it was seven am, the sun was barely up but she knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.

"Thank you Lyra" – she said while kissing the dog’s head, after that Ava went downstairs still in her pajamas and prepared a cup of coffee, the smell quickly filling the kitchen and lifting her mood.

"What do you think ? Should we go for a walk, without getting lost this time ? " – Lyra barked happily and Ava smiled.

This time Ava made sure to pay attention to where she was going, rather than just looking to the floor making sure she didn’t trip with anything, an hour later they were back home, she decided to take a shower this time, enjoying the water pressure and making sure she took it easy with her leg, last night apparently had been a little too much and it was bothering her. After changing and drying her hair she took Lyra’s leash, she needed to get to town and buy groceries if she didn’t want to starve to dead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay, i haven't had internet for ten days now, so you can imagine. To make up for the delay i'll post two chapters today, i really hope everyone's enjoying this story, and please if you can take a moment to leave a Review i'll love to hear your opinion.

Chapter 5

Knowing she would have to carry groceries bags Ava decided to drive to town, she parked the car, checked Lyra’s leash and then got out. The streets were not crowded and Ava was grateful for that, she walked with Lyra by her side a couple of blocks, watching the front of the many different stores, until she came upon a dining, she had skipped breakfast, coffee didn’t count as such, so she decided to go inside. The diner was big, with a breakfast bar and tables beside the windows, the tables were separated enough and she choose one on the back, away of prying eyes, Lyra had the tag that identified her as a service dog, so the blonde didn’t expect to have any problems. Ava took the menu that was on the table and began to read the different options. 

“Good morning, what can i get you ?” – said a voice that she recognized.

“Fancy meeting you without a gun being pointed to my face” – she said lowering the menu that was hiding almost all her face.

“Oh” – the blonde blushed – “Look i said i’m sorry” – she said – “I can get you another waitress if you want.”

“That’s fine” – Ava replied –“ I’ll have a caramel latte with chocolate chips pancakes” – Sara raised her eyebrow at the choice but didn’t say anything.

“Anything else ?”

“No, thank you” – Sara nodded and left the table – “ I’ve never been good at making friends” – Ava whisperd to Lyra, the dog was barely paying her attention.

Fifteen minutes later Sara was coming back at the table, she was carrying the cup of latte and the plate with the pancakes in one hand, on the other she was holding a plate with a steak.

“I didn’t order steak” – Ava objected.

“It’s not for you” – Sara smirked and left the plate on the floor for Lyra, the dog happily licked Sara’s hand.

“Traitor” – Ava whispered.

While drinking coffee Ava checked her emails in her cellphone, she was suppossed to go into the hospital to make an appointment with a psychiatrist and with a physiotherapist, she couldn’t fall behind in her recovery, she also made a note to check the gym later that week. About twenty minutes later she called for Sara to bring her the check.

The blonde appeared with a smile.

“It’s in the house” – she said.

“What ? No, that’s not necessary” – Ava objected looking for her wallet.

“Look, it’s a welcome gift” – Sara fidgeted in place – “and also an “I’m sorry i pointed you with my gun”  
Ava couldn’t help but laugh.

“Okay then” – she took Lyra’s leash – “Thank you.”

“See you around” – Sara left the table and Ava took that moment to place a twenty bill under her plate.

“A welcome gift ? I’ve never seen you give anyone a gift” – Zari said smirking the moment Sara stepped foot in the kitchen.

“Shut it Zari" - the blonde said, her cheeks flushed.

“So, she’s the one who moved into the cabin at the east ?”

“Yes” – Sara said while washing the dishes.

“The one you think is beautiful ?”

“Yes.”

“The one you are already having a crush on?”

“Yes” – Sara choked – “What ? No.”

“Yeah sure” – Zari laughed – “You may want to work on your lying techniques.”

Sara huffed and left the kitchen to take the order of a new customer.

Ava walked down the street holding Lyra’s leash, she saw a bookstore and decided to go in, she had a couple of days until her books arrived, and had read them all anyway, she needed new ones. After talking for a while with the salesman she left the store with three books in a bag, then finally went into the grocery store. Ava tried to ignore the looks people gave her, not only they watched her cane and the way she walked, but they were also looking at Lyra, she tried to be as calm as posible, keeping her anxiety under control, however she kinda rushed trough the aisles, at last she was barely paying any attention at the things she put into the cart, taking a deep breath she made sure she had all she had written in her list and made a beeline for the check out.

With a few grocery bags in her hands, Lyra now walking freely beside her, because Ava couldn’t hold her, having her hands full with the grocery bags and the cane, Ava made her way back into her car. She opened the door for Lyra, who didn’t wait to jump in and lick her face whimpering a little.

“I know” – Ava sighed –“ I’m okay, let me take a few minutes, okay ?” – she hugged Lyra to her chest, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths, it had been a few weeks since she felt so self conscious, not only about the cane but also about herself in general. 

A few deep, deep breaths later and with a shuddering sigh, Ava started the engine and drove back home. The visit to the hospital could wait another day she decided.

After preparing her and Lyra’s lunch, Ava was eating checking her phone and decided to call Nora.

“You were suppossed to call me when you arrived” – Nora’s voice complained.

“Hello to you too darling” – Ava chuckled – “ And I know, i’m sorry, i was too tired.”

“Fine, i’ll let it pass, but only this time” – the brunette sighed on the other end – “How was your first day ?”

“It was good” – she replied deciding not to tell Nora about having a gun pointed to her chest – “We went to town today.”

“And ?” – Nora knew her friend like no one else.

“Well, me and Lyra got a couple of weird looks, you know how it is.”

“Honey, do you need me to go there and kick a couple of asses ?” – Ava laughed – “You know i’ll do it.”

“I know” – Ava chuckled – “I mean is okay, you know how this is, especially in a small town.”

“Okay, just let me know if i need to drive there.”

“Okay.”

“So, made any new friends yet ?”

“Nora, it’s not even been a day, how am i suppossed to make friends ?”

“Okay, i was just asking. Have you made your appointments at the hospital yet ?”

“No yet.”

“Why not ?”

“I was going to do it today, but i was feeling anxious after the trip to the grocery store, i’ll do it tomorrow.”

“Okay, okay. Have you had any flashbacks, night terrors or panic attacks ?”

“No” – she lied.

“Ava” – Nora objected.

“I didn’t” – she replied. 

“Ava Sharpe do not lie to me” – Nora warned.

“Okay fine, i had a night terror last night, i don’t ever remember what it was about, but Lyra woke me up, so it’s okay.”

“Okay” – the brunette sighed –“ Look, i know i’ve said this already but don’t doubt to give me a call, even if it is in the middle of the night, i don’t care, you have to call me.”

“I know.”

“Ava i’m serious.”

“I know, i promise.”

“Okay” – Jake’s crying was heard in the background –“ Look i have to go, i’ll call you tomorrow, okay ?”

“Okay, say hi to Ray and Jake from me.”

“I will. I love you honey.”

“I love you too” – Ava ended the call and looked to Lyra – “Yeah, I miss them too.”

The blonde got up and began to wash the dishes, while she watched Lyra in the backyard chasing a squirrel, she shook her head smiling. The rest of the afternoon passed while she binge watched Friends laying down on her sofa, she wanted to go for a walk, but the leg was still bothering her a little and she didn’t want to over do it, so decided to rest. Lyra was cuddling with her, the dog fell asleep after the two first episodes, Ava smiled while scratching behind her ears.

After getting tired of watching TV Ava stood up, prepared herself a warm cup of tea and took one of the new books she had bought, it was one she didn’t expect to find in a small town’s bookstore, but there it was when she went inside, she had read it already, more than once actually, but it was one of her favourites, it was called “The Loudest Silence”, it was about two women falling in love, one of them was deaf and the other played the cello, Ava loved the story, “so much for buying new books” she thought. Book in hand she sat in her porch swing with a blanket over her legs to fight the light breeze, and lost herself in the pages.

The sun had set when she stood up again, that’s when she saw her. The blonde, Sara, was running trough the forest with her headphones on, apparently following a path to her own house, wearing a black sport bra and blue leggins, the bra left her abdomen exposed, and god did the blonde had abs, her body was perfect, Ava felt her heart skip a beat and then rushed inside as fast as she could.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read the previous note i forgot to tell you that i'm posting from my phone as i am unable to use my computer, so i apologize for any mistakes.
> 
> Anyway here's the new chapter, the one where we find out a little, just a little bit More about Sara. 
> 
> As always, please if you can leave a Review or kudo, i'll love to hear your opinion.

Chapter 6 

Days later Sara was washing the dishes they had just used to have dinner while Zari dried them.

“So what’s the deal with that woman ?” – the brunette asked while putting the plates on the shelf at her right.

“What woman ?”

“Let me think… the smoking hot one that was in the diner early the other day ?” – Zari smirked when she saw Sara’s flushed cheeks.

“Oh… yes” – she cleared her throat – “So i didn’t tell you, the other night i heard some noises outside” – she began.

“Please tell me that you didn’t point her with the shotgun” – Zari groaned.

“I did.”

“Sara !” – she exclamed – “We’ve talked about this.”

“I know, i know” – Sara sighed – “But you know what my life is like Zari.”

“Was Sara, what your life was like. You have a new life here, you know better than that.”

“I know, it’s just… it’s just hard for me to relax i guess.”

“Look, i’m not saying that you don’t have reasons to be careful, we both know you have them, but it’s been years since anything has happened. Do you really think that after all this time someone would still seek revenge ?”

“I don’t know” – the blonde sighed again – “It’s like i know you’re right, but i still can’t shake the feeling that danger is right about the corner.”

“I get it” – Zari placed a comforting hand in Sara’s shoulder and gave it a little squeeze – “Trust me, i do, but both you and i know that you can’t keep living like this.”

“I know”– Sara nodded.

“So, what did she do after the whole gun thing ?” – the brunette asked while shaking her head.

“Well, she was pissed obviously, i apologized and said i’ll walk her home, because it was kinda dark and you know, she was using a cane, but she refused and told me she didn’t need my help.”

“Uh, well i can’t blame her, who wouldn’t be pissed when pointed with a gun, right ?”

“Right” – Sara laughed – “Her name is Ava, and her dog’s name is Lyra.”

“Oh yes, i saw the dog the other morning, i think it is a service dog.”

“Yeah i thought so, i saw the tags she was wearing, but didn’t want to intrude.”

“Well, we’ll find out eventually, you know how things are in this town” – Zari yawned – “Anyway, i’m really tired and i have the early shift tomorrow, i’m going to bed.”

“Okay” – Sara hugged her.

“Don’t think i forgot about the whole smoking hot thing” – Sara chuckled – “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“Good night Zari” – the blonde laughed again and then finished cleaning the kitchen.

They had been living together for four years now, since everything had happened. 

Zari and Sara had been friends since high school, and when the time came they decided to go to the same college, although Zari was majoring in computer science while Sara was doing it in business management. They had just graduated from college, Sara was 25, when the whole thing between the russians and her family happened, and Sara couldn’t deal with it, she couldn’t stay in the city, she was not living at all. It had been Zari the one who suggested to move to Mifflintown, Sara wanted to get away, from the memories, from the trauma, from the hurt, from everything, so she had said yes. Obviously, none of those things had been left behind, she began to see a psychiatrist two months after moving, when the nightmares and the panic attacks had finally become too much for her, and for Zari, to handle. Four years later and she was still seeing Amaya. She was better, much better, but still some days, life and grief were just too much. The blonde couldn’t help but smile thinking about Zari, often she wondered what would have happen to her if it weren’t for the brunette, she had literally saved her life. 

After selling everything to her name, including the new properties she owned, they had moved to Mifflintown without looking back, a month later they heard the owner of the diner was selling it, wanting to retire and live the years he had left with her wife, Zari and Sara saw the opportunity and bought it. Of course it was hard at first, especially for Zari because she had never in her life worked as a waitress, Sara had, in multiple occasions, she had also worked as a bartender, but with effort and between the two of them they made it work. Two years after that, they had have a serious conversation, especially because Sara was feeling guilty, guilty that she had dragged Zari there, that the brunette had put her own life in hold to help her, but Zari refused to go, she said that her life was there, and couldn’t imagine herself living in any other place. That had been two years ago, and their friendship was still going strong.

Thinking that she should take advantage of having tomorrow morning free Sara decided to go to bed early. That’s how she and Zari worked, they had decided to split into shifts, taking turns in the mornings and afternoons and nights, of course always working with their chef and one, sometimes two, waitresses. Sometimes, especially on weekends and nights when the diner became a bar and it was crowded they both were behind the bar, always helping each other. They had a free day once a week, that meant the other worked a triple shift, and had decided some time ago to close the diner on sunday afternoons and nights.

\------

Next morning Sara was up at eight, without even having breakfast she left with her headphones already on. After about half and hour of running, she slowed down her pace and took away her headphones for a few seconds, wanting to take into the forest, those morning runs in the forest where one of her favourites things, she had asked Zari to come with her several times, the brunette refused, she was not a fan of sports and would rather spend her free time fixing computers or coding new softwares. Sara stood still for a few minutes, with her eyes closed, when suddenly she heard a branch snapping, she turned around as fast as she could.

“Sorry, i didn’t mean to startle you” – Ava apologized.

Sara had to take a few seconds to compose herself, this time it was Ava the one who was wearing leggins, with a tank top, that left exposed toned arms. and sneakers, the other times Sara had seen her, Ava was wearing jeans, buttons up or a sweater and boots or what she would call “work shoes”, now she had to take a deep breath because the blonde was also wearing a high ponytail that left exposed her collarbones, and Sara loved collarbones. The sun was shinning high above them, they rays of the sun were reflected in Ava’s blonde hair, her cheeks were flushed and a thin layer of sweat could be seen covering her arms.

“Hi” – she said finally after a few seconds – “It’s okay, i was just distracted.”

Ava didn’t know what else to say, she was no good at small talk, had never been, thankfully Lyra decided to make her presence known.

“Oh hi” – Sara bent down, and slowly, very slowly brought her hand close to the dog, and then scratched her behind the ears, Lyra licked her face – “Your dog likes me” – she said smiling.

“Yeah, but i don’t” – Ava couldn’t help it, she wanted to slap her herself so hard in that moment.

“Okay, look i know we didn’t have the best first meeting, but there’s no need to be rude, you know ?”

“Okay, you’re right, i’m sorry” - Ava conceded.

“So, should we start over ?”

“Sure.”

“Hi, nice to meet you i’m Sara” – she offered her hand and Ava shook it – “and to be clear i won’t be pointing you with a gun anytime soon.”

“Good to know” – she laughed – “And nice to meet you too.”

They began to walk together, with Lyra trailing happily in front of them.

“So, how long have you been living here ?” – Ava asked.

“About four years now” – Sara threw a branch for Lyra to catch.

“Do you live alone ?”

“No, i live with a friend, her name is Zari. We own the diner you went to the other day.”

“Oh yes, i loved those pancakes” – Ava said smiling.

“You didn’t have to leave the tip” – Sara remembered suddenly the twenty bill she had found.

“I don’t take gifts from strangers” – Ava replied while taking the branch from Lyra and throwing it away again.

“But we are not strangers, we are neighbours now” – they both laughed.

They walked a couple of minutes in silence, Ava noticed they had taken the path to her own house.

“So, can i ask why do you have a gun?”

“It’s a long story” – Ava took the answer for what it was, an end to that kind of question.

“Where are you from ?” – it was Sara’s turn to ask and throw away the branch for Lyra.

“Originally, from Lima, Ohio, but i moved here from Maryland.”

“That’s a long way from home” – Sara thought out loud.

“It is” – Ava said – “Where are you from ?”

“Starling City” – Sara smiled sadly – “It’s been a long time since i went there.”

“Does your family live there ?”

“I don’t have family” – Sara mumbled – “What about you ?”

“My mom lives in Lima, i guess, i haven’t seen her since i left for college.”

“Well i guess we both have family issues” – both chuckled.

A couple of minutes later they reached Ava’s house.

“I’ll see you around” – Sara said after scratching Lyra’s head.

“See you” – Ava went inside, not before turning around and looking at the blonde one last time.

“So how was the shift ?” – Sara went into the diner a couple of hours later to take over Zari.

“Quiet day” – Zari sighed while cleaning one of the tables – “Oh and also, you should know i heard some people talking about Ava.”

“What did they say ?” – Sara was curious, nothing else was happening there.

Zari signed for them to go into the kitchen, where they could talk without fear of someone listening.

“Don’t ask me how they know, you know how things are around here” – Sara nodded – “Apparently she’s a veteran” – Sara seemed surprised – “They said that her entire team was killed in Afghanistan, she was the only one who made it back.”

“Well that would explain the service dog” – Sara blurted thinking about Lyra –“ That’s all ?”

“It’s all i heard,i swear i don’t how this people find out that kind of stuff “– she sighed.

“I don’t know either” – the blonde shook her head.

Sara had had it hard the first couple of months once her last name was known, apparently people had googled it or whatever they did to find out information, and suddenly everyone was giving her condolecences and comfort food, she couldn’t take it and had snapped a few times until they finally left her alone.

“You know how hard it can be” – Zari was worried.

“I know, don’t worry, i’ll take care of it.”

“Okay” – the brunette nodded – “Do you want me to wait for you to have dinner ?”

“No, it’s okay Z, i know you’re tired. Go home and get some rest.”

“I love you, you know ?”

“Of course you love me, have you seen my face and my cute freckles ?”

“Idiot” – Zari slapped her in the arm.

“Ouch, i guess love does hurt as they say” – Sara rubbed her arm.

Zari laughed and left the dinner still smiling. Sara walked out of the kitchen, she began to wipe the tables, she wondered if Ava had gotten hurt while on duty, that would explain the cane and also Lyra. Suddenly the bell above the door made a sound, indicating that a new customer had just enter the diner, the blonde put all thoughts of Ava aside and took the men’s order. 

Sara had tried, but now and then she caught herself thinking about Ava and wondering what was her story, thinking that probably, as hers, it was a long one.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, here's a new chapter, hope everyone enjoyed Christmas or any other festivity you choose to celebrate.
> 
> As always, please remember the trigger warnings for this fic, in this chapter: nightmares and anxiety/panic attacks.
> 
> Please leave a kudo or comment, let me know your opinion !

“Nate please wake up” – Ava begged looking at the side – “Nate please” – tears were streaming down her face while she watched the unmoving body of her friend – “Nate i’m begging you, don’t do this, please” – more tears rolled down her face, but Nate didn’t move.

Ava knew the injury in her leg was bad, she was a doctor for god’s sake, it would be a miracle if she made it out alive and got to keep her leg. For minutes she did nothing but stare at the stars shining brightly in the sky above, thinking about Nora’s laugh and smirk, about Ray and his goofy personality, about Jake, the baby she hadn’t even met, and for a few seconds she thought about herself, about her life, about how she hadn’t find a woman to love forever, her soulmate, someone she could share her life with, maybe even had children with. Closing her eyes Ava made a promise to herself, if she made it out alive she would try and be more open to the opportunities life presented to her, she would try to put down her walls, she would try harder to be happy.

Gasping for air Ava sat up in bed, Lyra was barking on the floor and her front paws were on the mattress, almost shaking her so she would wake up. Ava rubbed her eyes and realized her face was wet, she had been crying while sleeping apparently. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and thought for a moment, she didn’t even remember pleading for Nate to move or that promise she had made to herself, she didn’t know if it was just a dream or if it was real, and no one else could help her, because everyone was dead and she was the only one alive.

Suddenly she could feel it, her heart was racing again in her chest, her hands were clammy and her body was shaking slightly, she helped Lyra up on the bed and the dog inmediately licked her face.

“Easy Lyra” – she breathed out trying to regain control, she thought of all the tips her therapyst had given her, the one that worked on most occasions was the one called 5-4-3-2-1 technique, so she sat up straight in bed and took deep breaths, slow, deep, long breaths, and then exhaled, next thing she did was trying to find five things she could see around her. In that moment Ava wished she had finished unpacking her things, cause there was not a lot of things in her bedroom right now, but she made an effort, she had to. Taking another deep breath she tried to focus, then she spotted, the book she had been reading last night, the cup of tea she had drank while reading it, the blanket resting by the window, her fluffy pillow and finally a picture were Nora, Ray and her, in uniform, were smiling, the last one brought a little smile to her face. Taking another deep breath she began the search for four things she could touch, the first one was Lyra’s head, she scratched her behind the ears, next came her comfy pijama pants, then was her fluffy pillow and last the ground under her feet. Remembering what her therapyst had said she began the search for three things she could hear, she could hear Lyra’s panting, then came the ticking of the clock in her wall and finally she could hear the rustling of the wind outside. Now she needed to find two things she could smell, and again Lyra came first, she sniffed the dog’s fur and smiled a little, second came her hair, it smelled like the vanilla shampoo she had bought earlier that week. Last she needed to find something she could taste, groaning she took the cane that was resting by the wall and stood up, slowly and with Lyra by her side, she made it downstairs, opened the fridge’s door and took almost the first thing she saw, a piece of cheese she had left there the night before. While munching Ava took a deep breath, relaxing a little noticing that her heart rate had slowed down. Taking a look at her cellphone the blonde saw it was almost six am, there was no point on going back to sleep, she wouldn’t be able to, so Ava decided to take a walk trough the forest after changing her clothes.

Two hours later Ava was back home and taking a shower, her anxiety was low now, but she could still feel it, always there, always with her. The blonde didn’t even remember what living without anxiety always shimmering on the surface was like, this had been her normal for almost a year and a half now. With her hair dripping wet she put a towel around her body and walked to her bedroom, it was a bit chilly outside so she grabbed a black sweater, a pair of jeans and her black boots, with black panties and a bra. It had been a few days since she went into town and Ava didn’t feel like staying home, so after drying her hair she took Lyra’s leash and went outside heading to town, this time however she decided to walk there instead of taking the car, so she made sure she grabbed her cellphone and cane and finally closed the door.

The wind was rustling trough the trees and Ava couldn’t help but think that she should had grabbed a scarf, thankfully she had grabbed a jacket and was currently keeping it as close as posible to her body, Lyra was running a little bit ahead of her, Ava throwing a branch for her every now and then, Ava looked at Lyra and smiled, the dog was such an important part of her life. The sun was above in the sky now, it’s rays shining trough the trees and leaves, making shadows on the floor and Ava couldn’t help but admire every single thing in front of her, this time paying attention to her surroundings and never straying away from the path that was clearly delimited. While thinking about how she had gotten lost the first time, Ava couldn’t help but remember the blonde woman that she had met, addmitingly they had have a rough first meeting, but after talking to her Ava could say that Sara was nice, and she was beautiful too, like in a way she had never seen before, with a cold exterior but cute and kind inside, she chuckled thinking that Sara would probably kill her if she ever called her “cute and kind”. 

Half an hour later she and Lyra made it into town, Ava made sure to plug in Lyra’s leash now that they would be surrounded by people and started walking to the diner, so what if she wanted to go there again, it’s not like she was expecting to see a cute blonde woman with freckles on her face, she just wanted coffee that’s all. Oh and she also wanted chocolate chip pancakes, what if it wasn’t healthy ? It was her comfort food and after the rough way she had started the day, she needed comfort, lots of it.  
Sara was wiping tables, trying to block out the conversation two man in the bar were having, she was so focused on trying to block out their voces that didn’t even hear the bell above the door.

“They say she is a veteran” – one of them was saying – “Did you see her leg ? I bet there’s a lot of scars there.”

“Well it would be hard not to notice, have you seen her cane and the way she walks ?” – the other one said – “It’s a shame, with that face, if it weren’t for the leg i would totally fuck her.”

Sara had to bite her lip to stop herself from snapping, she couldn’t wait until those two were out of there.

“Apparently she is the only one who made it out alive, her entire team was killed man.”

“Maybe she’s a coward and run away, left them behind, being a woman after all”

“Get out” – Sara yelled suddenly having enough – “Get out of here and never come back.”

“What the hell ?”  
“You both heard me, i said get the fuck out of here” – she was standing close to them now, and she was shorter than both of them but that have never matter before for Sara and sure as hell wouldn’t matter now if she had to fight any of them – “You have no idea what you’re talking about and i won’ t tolerate they way both of you talk about women.”

"But we haven’t finish yet” – one try to argue.

“I don’t give a fuck, i said get out.”

“What is it Lance ? Did you bang her already ? What does her leg look like, uh ?” – the blonde one smirked.

Sara was trying rally hard not to punch him, but she had to remember that this was her diner, and the other customers were watching her.

“Fucking dyke” – the taller one said while opening the door and finally leaving.

Sara breathed trough her nose, her entire body was shaking and she almost felt like crying, crying because she didn’t get to punch any of them, but man did she want to. Suddenly it was almost as if someone had switched on the sound again, because the noises from the diner were actually registering in her brain now, and that’s when she saw her. Ava was standing near the door, half her face covered by her hair, one hand holding Lyra’s leash and the other one forming a fist. Before she could say anything Ava rushed trough the door and went outside.

“Fuck” – Sara sighed –“ Ava wait” – she followed her out, but the blonde kept walking - “Hey wait”– she grabbed the blonde from the arm – “You don’t have to leave.”

“Why did you do that ?” – she asked turning around.

“Do what ?” – Sara asked dumbfounded.

“Defend me.”

“Those guys are assholes and i’ve wanted to ban them for a long time now. Did you… did you hear what they were saying ?”

“I heard enough” – Ava murmured – “and it’s not the first time.”

“Well i was not going to stay there listening to them talk like that, i had to said something.”

“Well i don’t think you should had, you didn’t have to defend me, you don’t really know me, they could be saying the truth.”

“I know we haven’t know each other long, but somehow i don’t think you are a coward or a bad person, besides people need to mind their own fucking business.”

“Well” – Ava cleared her throat – “Thank you anyway.”

“You’re welcome” – Sara smiled –“ So how about coffee ?”

“No, Lyra and i should head home now” – Ava sighed standing up – “Bye.”

“Bye” – Sara watched them go and sighed – “Fucking dudes” – she said before going back inside.

Ava took her time walking trough the forest back home, the things she heard were stuck in her mind now, and as she had said, no, it wasn’t the first time, but it didn’t mean they hurt any less. 

“That’s what i get for trying to lighten up this fucking day” – she muttered to herself.

It took her an hour and a half to get back home, and by the time she did it, Ava was almost panting, sweat covered her body and her leg was throbbing, she sighed, she should have used the cane on her way back, but she had wanted to try and walk without it, now she was paying the consequences. Making sure Lyra had food and water she made her way upstairs, took some analgesics and the second shower of the day, then she crawled back into bed and curled with her pillow, while turning on the tv and choosing Netflix.

“I should have stayed here in the first place” – she said while Law and Order SVU began to play, a few minutes later Lyra joined her in the bed, Ava sighed and cuddled into her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone ! Hope everyone's having a wonderful day.
> 
> Here's another chapter, rough timer are ahead of Ava, someone will be there to help her.
> 
> As always, if you are enjoying the story, please a review or a kudo.

A few hours later Ava woke up to the sound of knocking on her door, checking the time she noticed she had missed lunch, groaning she got up and after grabbing her cane made it downstairs.

“Hello ?” – she muttered, there was no one there – “What ?” – looking down she saw a plate, Ava bent down carefully and grabbed it, a smile forming in her face almost inmediately, there were chocolate chip pancakes. Still smiling the blonde went inside and turned on the coffee maker, in that moment she wished she had asked for Sara’s number, cause there was only one person who could have left that outside her door.

After eating Ava made sure to wash and put everything away, then began to rummage trough the boxes that had been delivered yesterday, moving to the living room she took the box with her books first. There was actually three boxes with all of them, some were of medical school the others were books that she simply enjoyed reading. Ava couldn’t carry the boxes upstairs on her own, so she took as many books as she could in one hand, in the other she was holding the cane, and went upstairs a few times, putting the books in the shelf of her office, most of them were medical books, while some of the others she placed them in shelfs that were in the living room, one or two she took to her bedroom, wanting to read or re- read them as soon as possible. It was almost eight o’clock by the time she was finished, she prepared a salad, some rice and chicken and ate while watching the news, Lyra eating happily beside her. She also made sure to text Nora, not feeling up to talk, her friend understood and just told her to take care of herself. Despite spending almost all day in bed Ava was quite tired, so after washing everything, and checking that the windows and door were locked, she went to bed.

“So, what happened today ?” – Zari asked while changing before Sara took over for the night shift.

“You already know ?” – she sighed – “God this town” – Sara took a deep breath – “So you know Mark and Owen?”

“The biggest assholes in this town” – Zari nodded – “Go on.”

“So they were talking about wether Ava has or not scars in her leg” – Zari grimaced – “Exactly, and then they said that they would fuck her if it weren’t for her leg or they way she walked.”

“What ?” – Zari yelled –“ Idiots.”

“So i had to kick them out” – Sara sighed – “I’m sorry Zari but i couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Hey, it’s okay” – Zari gave her hand a squeeze –“ I would have done the same.”

“That’s not even the worst part.”

“There’s more ?” – Zari asked surprised.

“Ava heard them.”

“Oh no.”

“Yes, i didn’t see her, but when i kicked them out she was standing there near the door, i’m sure she heard everything.”

“What did she say ?”

“She said it wasn’t the first time and that she wanted to go home.”

“Well obviously.”

“Yeah i guess” – the blonde sighed – “Anyway, go home and get some rest, remember you have the morning shift tomorrow… oh and i made pancakes if you want them.”

“Sara Lance, you cooked ?” – Zari smirked – “and are those by any chance chocolate chip pancakes ?”

“Shut it Z.”

“I’m just wondering who ordered those a few days ago” – the brunette pretended to think – “Oh i think it was a beautiful blonde with a dog.”

“Z, i’m warning you, another word and you’ll be eating oatmeal for weeks.”

“Fine, damn it, you’re not funny” – Sara swatted her arm –“ I’ll see you later.”

“See you.”

Sara began to wash some dishes that were left in the kitchen while thinking about certain blonde and the look on her face earlier that morning. How many times had she heard comments like those ? The worst thing was that Sara would bet her soul that everyone in town had been talking about her, wondering what was her story and how had she gotten the injury in her leg. Sara knew better than ask, she was a very private person and respected the privacy of others too, something people in this town could learn to do.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
Ava was late, and she couldn’t rush enough, she climbed into her car and drove into town. Today she was suppossed to make the appointments to see her new psychiatrist and physiotherapist.

“Hi, i’m Ava Sharpe, i called ahead a few days ago, i need to make an appointment with Doctor Amaya Jewe.”

“Of course Ms. Sharpe”– the receptionist smiled at her – “Doctor Jewe will be with you in a few minutes.”

A few minutes later a beautiful brunette called her name, she was wearing a formal black skirt with a white shirt, high heels and a white coat.

“Hi, nice to meet you” – Ava shook her hand.

“Nice to meet you too Ms. Sharpe.”

“Ava it’s fine” – i’ll be crying out in front of you at least once a week, Ava thought.

“Okay Ava, so we talked a bit on the phone, your other therapyst, Doctor Rusell has just send me your medical history” – Amaya said while checking her phone – “I’ll need to read it before you come for a session, so i can figure out the best way to help you.”

“Okay” – Ava nodded.

“So how’s next week at nine am ? Does that work for you ? It’s Thursday okay?”

“Yeah, it’s perfect.”

“Okay Ava, then i’ll have my secretary write you down. I’ll see you next week.”

“Okay, thank you.”

The blonde then gave away some information to Amaya’s secretary and then went back to talk to the receptionist, this time asking to make an appointment with the physiotherapist.

Ava had decided to leave Lyra at home that day, she was just going to the hospital and then back home, nothing could wrong, right ? 

When Ava finally made it outside and into the parking lot the sun was shinning brightly above, she took her sunglasses out of her purse and put them on while watching carefully where she was going, she had made a few steps when it happened, a car went off, and of course Ava knew what it was, it was just a car, but her brain didn’t think so, if that made any sense. Suddenly she was not in the hospital, she was not in Mifflintown, there was no sun shining above, she was back in the desert, she couldn’t see far ahead, the stars were shining in the black sky and the smell of smoke filled her lungs, she could feel the sand and sweat in her skin, the sand was everywhere, in her body, her mouth, her hair, her face, but there was something else, she could taste the iron of the blood in her mouth, she could feel the blood tricking down her leg, suddenly she could feel her back and arms burning.

Sara was just about to go into the hospital when she saw everything, the car going off had made her jump too, but then she saw Ava, the blonde was sitting in the floor near to her car, her cane was on the floor and she was shaking back and forth while covering her ears, Lyra was nowhere in sight, cursing she run to the blonde.

“Ava, can you hear me ?” – Sara didn’t know if she should touch the blonde or not – “Ava you’ re safe” – she said.

Ava was trying, her brain was trying to tell her that it was not real, that she was not back there, she couldn’t be, it didn’t make sense because just a few seconds ago she was shielding her eyes from the sun, how was it night already ? She knew she used a cane so there was no way she was pinned again under the truck, the fog in her brain began to clear, she tried to think of the coping mechanism that her therapyst had gave her, she began to tap her arms trying to bring herself into the present, she shaked her head, trying to wake up.

Sara watched everything without moving, suddenly when Ava began to move she realized what the blonde was trying to do, searching in her backpag she took a bottle of perfume and carefully placed it under Ava’s nose, she knew what Ava was doing, using the technique where you were suppossed to use all your senses to come back from a flashback, after a few minutes, slowly, very slowly Ava ceased moving and finally opened her eyes.

“Hey, there you are” – Sara smiled while putting the perfume back in her backpack – “You are safe Ava” – the blonde was now shivering hard –“ Listen to my voice” – she said slowly but firm – “You’re safe, we’re outside the hospital.”

“I… i know” – she stuttered, but her body didn’t seem to think so, she began to hyperventilate and could feel her heart racing –“ I’m… i’m having a panic attack” – she manage to say.

Sara placed one of her hands in Ava’s shoulder, took one of the blonde’s hand and placed it over her chest.

“Okay it’s okay” – she assured her – “Try and take a breath with me” – Sara took a deep breath and waited for Ava to do the same –“ Look at me, you’re safe and i promise you can breath” – she smiled a little – “Take a deep breath now” – she did it again and this time Ava followed her – “That’s it, you’re doing great” – they did it for a few minutes until Ava had calmed down enough, her body was still shivering and a thin layer of sweat was covering it, she was pale and felt dizzy. They sat there for about twenty minutes, some people stared at them but Sara paid them no attention.

“Ready to stand up ?” – Ava nodded, but as soon as she stood, black spots appeared behind her eyes, thankfully Sara was ready to support her – “Whoah there.”

“I feel dizzy” – the blonde muttered.

“It’s okay, your car is only a few steps ahead” – Sara reassured her – “We’ll go slow, take it easy.”

They finally made it to Ava’s car, the blonde gave the keys to Sara and opened the window as soon as she sat inside, she could feel tears pricking in her eyes and couldn’t hold them back while her body trembled a little.

“Hey” – Sara squeezed her shoulder – “Do we need to go into the hospital ?” – she patiently asked.

“No” – Ava managed to mutter.

“What’s wrong ?”

“I’m ashamed” – she breathed while more tears rolled down her face.

“Oh Ava” – Sara felt for her – “You don’t have to be, trust me. No one saw you and i know we don’t know each other very well but you can trust me, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of” – Ava nodded – “Ready to go home ?”

“Please” – she sighed.

The drive back was filled with silence, Sara knew how the blonde must have been feeling, so she decided to keep quiet. Fifteen minutes later they made it to Ava’s house, she helped the blonde down, opened the door and lead her to the sofa. Lyra was already by her side, whimpering and licking her face, Ava hugged her close to her chest and Sara decided to make herself busy to give them some space.

“Here, i made you some tea” – she said a few minutes later coming back into the living room.

“Thank you” – Ava took the warm cup in her hands.

“Are you feeling better ?” – Ava nodded – “Okay.”

Ava sipped the tea in silence, she didn’t know what to say and was feeling very self conscious at the moment, Lyra was sitting beside her licking one of her hands. The truth was Sara didn’t know what to say or do neither so she was quiet too, she watched around not wanting to upset Ava by staring at her.

“Okay so” – she said finally breaking the silence – “Will you give me your phone so i can save my number there ?” – Ava was surprised for a moment but then gave the blonde her cellphone –“ So, you can call me at anytime, for whatever you need, okay ?”

“Okay” – the blonde muttered.

“I’ll let you get some rest, besides i have to take over Zari in the diner” – Sara said while standing up – “I’ll check on you later.”

“Sara” – Ava said before the blonde could reach the door – “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome” – she smiled and then left.

Ava heard the door close from the sofa and closed her eyes for a few seconds, wondering what her life had become.

“I’m never leaving the house without you again” – she said hugging Lyra close to her chest, the dog licked her face – “I could live without a few less licks you know” – she smiled a little. 

The blonde was too tired to even try and go upstairs, so she grabbed a blanket and made herself comfortable on the sofa, Lyra right by her side, and before she knew it, she as asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with another chapter to this story, wish i could walk trough a forest right now.

Ava woke up later that day, once again to the sound of knocking on her door, she stood up and opened it.

“Hi” – she said – “Can i help you ?” – she asked a little confused.

“You’re Ava right ?” – the blonde nodded –“ I’m Zari” – the brunette said offering her hand, Ava shook it –“ I’m a friend of Sara, she asked me to check on you.”

“Oh okay” – Ava could feel her cheeks going red and she cursed internally.

“Don’t worry, she didn’t told me anything else” – Zari assured her – “I mean, she only told me that you had have a little problem this morning and to check on you later, i promise that’s all.”

“Okay” – Ava breathed out – “Would you like to come inside ? I’m about to make some coffee.”

“Um, okay, if that’s okay with you” – Ava nodded and Zari followed her to the kitchen – “Oh hi” – she said when Lyra jumped trying to lick her face.

“Lyra down” – Ava ordered – “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, i love dogs” – Ava smiled – “Oh i almost forgot, Sara gave me this” – she said while giving Ava a plate with more chocolate chip pancakes.

“Oh, thank you” – the blonde blushed again –“ She didn’t have to.”

“Well, that’s Sara. Besides pancakes is one of the very few things she actually knows how to cook” – both chuckled.

“Here” – a few minutes later Ava gave Zari a cup with steaming hot coffee, placing at the side cream and sugar.

“Thank you” – Zari put so much sugar that Ava had to stop herself from grimacing – “So, where are you from ?”

“I’m from Lima, Ohio. But moved here from Maryland.”

“Oh, that’s kinda a long way, why did you move here ?” – Zari cleared her throat – “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s okay” – Ava smiled – “I needed a fresh start, and some quiet time, peace” – the blonde sighed –“ The city was too much for me, too crowded and too many noises.”

“Well you’ll find silence here, that’s for sure” – Zari laughed – “What about your family ?”

Ava told her about Nora, Ray and Jake but avoided talking about her mother.

“What about you ?”

“I have a younger brother, Behrad, he is still in college, and my mom and dad live in New York, they are doctors.”

They talked for about an hour until Zari said that she should go back home, the sun was about so set and a slight breeze was picking up, it was going to be a cold night.

“Oh by the way” – the brunette stopped near the door – “if you need a hand to light up the fireplace” – she gave Ava a small piece of paper with her number in it –“ Give us a call, because it can be very tricky the first times, i think we got lucky, Sara and i, that we didn’t burn our house down trying to light it up the first time.”

“I’ll keep that in mind” – Ava laughed.

“Okay, i’ll see you around.”

“Thank you Zari” – the brunette smiled and then waved.

Ava went back inside, she saved Zari’s number in her phone, and after a few seconds she decided to text.

“Thank you for the pancakes” – she typed and then send it to Sara.

“You’re welcome. 

“How are you feeling ?” both texts came in a row before Ava even had time to put her phone down.

“Better. Zari is nice, you didn’t need to check on me though”

“I’m glad. Zari is awesome, and yes, i needed to check on you.”

“Okay, if you say so. I’m gonna make dinner, thank you again.”

“You’re welcome Ava and there’s no need to thank me again. Have a good night”

“You too”

The blonde put her phone down and smiled, then began to prepare dinner, not before calling Nora and letting her know how the appointments had gone, she avoided telling her friend about the episode she had have that morning, there was no need to worry her. Ava talked for a few minutes with Ray too and, upon Nora’s insistence, she facetimed with Jake. At the end of the call Ava was glad that Nora had insisted, because she felt better, lighter somehow after “talking” and seeing her godson and friends’ faces.  
After dinner Ava checked her email where the surgeon association had send her the information she needed to revalidate her certification, after reading everything the blonde went upstairs and began to search for the books she would need in the shelfs. She took one, made herself a coffee and sat up on the couch, for a few minutes she thought about college and the many sleepless nights she had spend studying instead of going to parties like most of her friends. She had loved and truly enjoyed her time in college, especially because she didn’t have to see her mother and hear her endless list of complains, but also because she could be herself there, she didn’t need to hide or pretend to be someone else , she could just be. 

Almost two hours later the blonde decided to call the night, her eyes refused to read one more page about human anatomy. Ava stood up, washed the cup she had used, checked doors and windows and finally climbed upstairs. Her bedroom was a little chill, so she grabbed an extra blanket just in case and climbed into bed, Lyra sleeping in her pillow on the floor, next to her and near the door. Ava was tired, really tired, but she trashed all night, her sleep plagued with nightmares and memories, so it was not surprise when the next day, she woke up even more tired and grumpy, her body and mind exhausted. Lyra was tired too, she could tell, the dog had gotten as much sleep as her.

“I’m sorry Lyra” – she said scratching her behind her ears, Ava sighed while making herself a cup of coffee.

Almost two weeks later Sara was walking trough the forest when she spotted Lyra, a few steps back was Ava.

“Hey girl” – she said scratching Lyra’s head – “I think your dog kinda loves me.”

“You think uh? Aren’t you so full of yourself ?” – Sara laughed and Ava smiled.

“How are you doing ?” – Sara asked while they began to walk side by side.

“I’m fine, how are you ?” – Ava took the branch from Lyra’s mouth and threw it away.

“Good “– Sara said, a slight breeze made them both shiver – “Winter is near – When Ava didn’t say anything Sara chuckled –“ You haven’t seen Game of Thrones, have you ?”

“No, and Autumn’s coming, no winter”– Ava said confused, Sara laughed–“ It’s a TV show ?” – the blonde nodded – “Well, what is it about ?”

Sara went on for a few minutes talking about the show, Ava listened happily, distracted by the way the sun shined on Sara’s hair and by the blue of her eyes, Sara’s face was covered in freckles and Ava wondered if the rest of her body was too.

“Are you listening ?” – Sara asked suddenly.

“Yeah, sorry” – Ava blushed – “So, according to you i should watch it inmediately.”

“Well yeah, although i must warn you, the finale is a piece of shit” – Ava laughed –“ But the previous season are excellent so, it is worthy.”

“Okay, i’ll watch it then” – Ava nodded.

They walked for a few more minutes in silence, now and then stopping to throw away a small branch for Lyra to catch or recover.

“So” – Sara broke the silence – “Wanna talk about happened the other day ?”

“Not really” – Ava honestly said.

“Okay” – Sara sighed – “But just in case you ever wanna talk about it, i’m willing to listen.”

“Thanks” – Ava felt a little uncomfortable and kept quiet, until Sara broke the silence again.

“Okay, but seriously, what happened back there ?” – apparently she couldn’t hold herself.

“Did no one ever tell you to shut up ?” – Ava asked chuckling.

“Many people , so many times”– Sara smiled.

“Are you always this infuriating ?” – the blonde grumbled.

“Yes” – Sara smirked and then both laughed – “So, what do you do for a living ? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I don’t mind” – Ava smiled a little – “I’m a surgeon, after medical school i enlisted and served for about 8 years.”

“Oh wow” – Sara was truly impressed –“ Are you some kind of genius ? I mean, you look way too young.”

“I’m 31 actually” – the blonde said while reaching for the branch Lyra had brought back –“ But thanks for the compliment” – Sara laughed. 

"Are you applying for a job as surgeon at the hospital ?"

"I don’t know yet" – Ava had been planing to do so, but haven’t decided yet.

“This is a small town Ava, everyone knows everything about well … everyone” – she chuckled – “I mean everyone knows the surgeon has been thinking to retire and they are looking to hire a new one, so when you said you are a surgeon i connected the dots.”

“Well, i haven’t applied yet. I’m supposse to revalidate my certification, take an exam and go from there” – she cleared her throat for the next thing –“ I also have to regain a little more movement in my leg, and be able to be on my feet for several hours.”

“Is that why you take so many walks ?” – Sara didn’t mean to pry, she was just asking because Ava was talking about it.

“Well yeah, it’s part of my physiotherapy” – she sighed –“ Now and then i try to walk without the cane, but it’s hard, it’s like when i had two good legs i didn’t even realize how much weight i put on one or the other but now … It’s hard” – she exhaled.

“Well recovery is always a long process” – Sara didn’t really know what to say – “I think you’re doing amazing, i mean how long has it been since you got hurt ?” – suddenly she realized what she had just said –“ I’m sorry i didn’t mean to”

“It’s okay” – Ava stopped her, giving her hand a little squeeze and then letting go –“ It’s been about a year and a half.”

“That’s not too long ago.”

“It’s not.”

“I’m not a coward” – Ava said suddenly after a few minutes of silence.

“What ?” – Sara asked confused.

“Those guys at the dinner” – Ava explained – “they said i probably had left my team behind, that i left them to die because i was a coward, well i didn’t left them and i’m not a coward.”

“I never thought you were” – Sara said, placing one of her hands on Ava’s shoulder – “And you don’t have to explain anything to me, if you don’t want to.”

They came to a stop realizing that they had reached Ava’s house. The wind had picked up and they both were shivering, Ava hugging her jacket close to her body.

“Well i should go” – Sara said while adjusting her scarf – “I have the night shift today, you should stop by sometime, to grab a beer or whatever your poison is” – Ava laughed.

“Maybe someday i’ll go, just to surprise you.”

“I would love to” – Sara smiled, and if someone asked she had not blushed at all in that moment.

“I’ll see you around Sara” – Ava smiled.

“Bye Lyra” – the blonde scratched the dog’s head – “Bye Ava” – she said after lingering a few moments, Ava thought for a moment that Sara would kiss her goodbye, on her cheek of course, or something like that, but apparently she changed her mind at the last second.

“Bye.”

Ava stood on her porch for a few minutes, watching Sara’s figure dissapear trough the forest, but before she went inside, she saw the blonde turning back, Sara waved at her with a smile in her face, she waved back and finally went inside, smiling from ear to ear, oh if only Nora could see her now.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Ava needs to let go of some frustations and Sara helps her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to everyone who gave me kuddos or leaves a comment, they are very much appreciated. 
> 
> Remember you can find me on twitter as @millscully !

It had been two moths and a half since Ava moved to Mifflintown, and it was still hard. Not that she thought that all of her symptoms would dissapear, but she was still waking up almost every night, screaming, crying and sometimes worse, in her nightmares she couldn’t get her screams out, it was like they were stuck in her throat. The triggers were less, but she knew she was cheating, of course they would be less, after all she had moved to the middle of nowhere. The flashbacks were not happening every single day, but they were still there, and the same could be said for her panic and anxiety attacks. 

She had completed almost eight session with Amaya, going twice a week, it had been really hard at the beggining, especially because for Ava talking about her feelings had always been hard, but now, she felt like if she opened her mouth everything would come out, and she would lose the little amount of control she still had, so in a few words, getting her to talk was like pulling teeth, but Amaya was good. She was pacient, she gave Ava a few more techniques she could use to stop herself of having flashbacks, or little clues about how to get out of one, they had also worked on breathing techniques and exercises that could help her to pass a panic attack or lessen the anxiety. By far one of the most useful techniques, although Ava was embarrassed to say it, was the one where she was suppossed to say a “script” to stop herself from having a flashback, for example, it began like this “ I feel panicked, overwhelmed, etc, because i’m remembering the attack but as i look around i can see it isn’t happening right now and i’m not in danger” and then she would describe what she was seeing at the moment. It had been hard at first, saying the words out loud, but one step at the time, she was getting there.

Her physiotherapist was good too, he had gave her a couple of stretches she was suppossed to do every morning and night, and then told her that it was good that she was talking walks, but could use another sport such as swimming or maybe even boxing, to give her leg a little more strenght. That’s why a few days later Ava had talked to the owner of the only gym in town, and after explaining her situation, he agreed to give her the keys so she could go there late at night, because the blonde didn’t really want anyone to see her. 

After turning and tossing more times on bed than she could count Ava decided that sleep was not coming that night, tiptoeing around Lyra who was sleeping peacefully next to her, Ava went to the bathroom discarded her pijamas and put on her work out clothes, grabbed her gym bag and after checking the door, making sure that Lyra could not escape, she climbed into her car. It was really cold and she cursed for not grabbing her gloves, her hand were freezing cold on the steering wheel. About twenty minutes later she was in the gym, were thankfully, apparently the heat was left running on autopilot, turning on the lights she went straight to the boxing bag, after fumbling a little with the boxing gloves. It had been a while since the blonde had boxed, she used to do it almost all the time on camp, or she spared with the boys, but now that seemed like a whole other life. Without much introduction she began to punch the bag trying to let go of her frustations, all her rage, all her feelings, sometimes she wished she could feel nothing at all, nothing but the pain in her hands, nothing but the burn in her muscles, nothing but the burn in her lungs, Ava wished she could feel numb, just when she was about to throw another punch she saw a shadow by the door.

"Who’s there ?" – she said with more strenght in her voice than she felt.

"It’s me" – the blonde stepped into the light.

"What are you doing here ?" – she said pissed while drying the droplets of sweat of her forehead, or at least trying, boxing gloves and all - "Are you following me ?"

"Of course not, are you ?" – Sara got closer and Ava saw that she was also wearing work out clothes.

"Why would i follow you?"

"Why would i follow you then?"

"Whatever" – she huffed and punched the bag again.

"You’re pulling your punches, why ?" – Sara got even closer, her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail and her sport bra was covered in sweat, Ava wondered how long the blonde had been there without her noticing her.

"It’s not of your business" – Ava sighed exasperated – "How long have you been here ?"

"I came before you, that’s why the heating was on" – the blonde explained –" Here, watching you ? I stood by the door for about half an hour before you noticed me."

"Creep" – Ava said shaking her head.

"So, wanna tell me what this bag has done to you ?" – Ava raised an eyebrow – "I mean you were punching it like your life depended on it, oh wait, or are you trying to break your hands ?"

"Was there something you wanted to tell me or is annoying me your hobby ?"

"I asked why were you pulling your punches."

A few minutes went by without Ava answering, she thought the blonde would get tired and leave her alone, but Sara stood there, patiently waiting for an answer.

"I’m afraid of putting too much weight on my leg" – Ava relented.

"Okay" – Sara said like she hadn’t been waiting minutes for that answer – "I get that, but you’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep punching like that" – she placed herself behind Ava – "First, you need to rotate your torso to go with the punch, like this" – Sara placed her hands in Ava’s bare abdomen, she had tosed her t-shirt aside sometime ago and was only wearing a sport bra, her skin quickly got covered in goosebumps and she cursed herself for reacting – "So rotate like this" – Sara explained again like nothing had happened –" And then move your leg a little with the flow, so the weight will be more balanced."

"How do you know about boxing ?" – Ava asked while bending down to grab her water bottle, taking a really long sip.

This time it was Sara’s time to take time to answer, she placed herself behind the bag and then moved aside.

"My dad teached me" – she said finally, her eyes looking at the floor –" He thought we should be able to defend ourselves."

"We ?" – Ava asked confused.

"Me and my sister, Laurel" – Sara cleared her throat and placed herself behind the bag once again, Ava understood that she didn’t want to talk anymore about it – "So, come on, give it a try" – the blonde encouraged her with a little smile.

"Okay" – Ava placed her legs in the right position, then faced the bag and raised her hands.

"Remember to rotate your torso and move your leg with the flow" – Ava nodded – "Go."

And Ava did, she punched the bag so hard that Sara moved a couple of steps back.

"I’m so" – Ava began to apologize but Sara interrupted her.

"That was good, again" – Sara placed herself behind the bag again, holding onto it with both hands and placing her feet firmly on the floor – "And go."

They went on and on, until Ava couldn’t feel her hands anymore and her feet hurt from standing up too long.

"Did you let go of everything ?" – Sara asked while untying Ava’s glove – "Come on Ava, i know everything about pent up frustation, so did you let it go ?"

"Most of it – she mumbled - "I couldn’t sleep" – she added after a few minutes – "It’s been nights since i’ve been able to sleep properly."

"Well hopefully you’ve tired yourself enough here."

"What about you ? What were you doing here so late at night ?"

"I know the owner, i’m kinda a regular so he lets me come and go as i please" – the blonde smirked and Ava shook her head – "I’m gonna hit the showers."

"Yeah, me too" – the blonde grabbed her bag and followed Sara.

Once in the showers, both got in the stalls fully dressed, undressing inside them and tossing the damp clothes on top of the doors, Ava could not believe that she was showering right beside Sara, Nora would never let her hear the end of it if she ever found out. 

"Fuck i forgot my shampoo, can you lend me yours ?" – Sara’s voice came from the stall.

"Yeah, here" – Ava scooped some on her hand and then grabbed the bottle, her hand touched Sara’s hand on the top of the stall, she was not blushing, not at all.

"Thanks" – Sara said while brushing her fingers against Ava’s.

The blonde quickly showered and dried herself, then with the towel around her body she left the stall and grabbed her bag, put on a clean pair of underwear, sweatpants and was just pushing her t-shirt down her shoulders when Sara stepped off the shower. She had scooped her hair in a messy bun, some strands of hair were in her face while droplets of water fell on her shoulders, Ava turned around to give her some privacy, pretending to brush her hair, and she couldn’t see her but Sara smirked watching her reaction.

"So" – she said cursing when her voice came higher than normal –" I didn’t see your car outside."

"I walked" – Sara shrugged while putting on her t-shirt.

"You walked trough the forest, alone this late at night ?!" – Ava almost screamed – "Are you out of your mind ?" – she said turning around and giving the blonde a look, her “mom look” as Nora used to call it.

"I know how to defend myself" – Sara said tying her sneakers – "And in case you didn’t notice, we’re living in Mifflintown" – she snorted – "Nothing happens here, ever."

"Still" – Ava huffed – "Come on i’ll give you a ride."

"I can walk" – Sara stood up and tosed her thing inside her own bag.

"I’m not letting you walk, it’s almost four am" – the blonde objected.

"You could just say that you enjoy spending time with me" – Sara said close to Ava’s ear, so much closer than she was just a mere second ago.

"You wish" – she said turning around and facing the blonde, Sara smiled, clearly not expecting that reaction – "Oh what, did you expect me to act like a blushing school girl ?" – she smirked.

"I saw the way your skin got covered in goosebumps when i touched your abdomen" – this time was Sara’s time to smirk, and this time Ava was, in fact, blushing like a school girl – "You gonna give me a ride or what ?" – the blonde asked while walking to the door, Ava could hear the laugh in her voice.

"Damn it" – she muttered, then followed Sara.

Together they made sure to turn off all the lights and the heat, Ava saw that Sara had probably spend most of her time lifting weights cause that was the other room were the lights were on, after double checking the doors and windows they finally got on Ava’s car.

"You didn’t bring Lyra?" – Sara asked while putting on the seatbelt.

"She was sleeping" – Ava put hers on –" It’s hard for her too" – she sighed – "I mean when i can’t sleep she can’t either, when i’m turning and tossing she wakes up trying to calm me down" – she took a turn – "She was so tired that didn’t even hear me get up, so i let her rest."

"How long has she been with you ?"

"About a year, my friend Nora gave her to me" – she smiled at the memory.

"She must be a really good friend" – Sara said, watching Ava’s face light up while talking about Lyra and her friends.

"She and her husband Ray, we all met at the army" – Ava explained – "they decided to retire a couple of years ago, wanted something more from life, you know ? Now they live in Maryland, in a beautiful house, with their beautiful son, my godson Jake."

"What about you ? Did you want those kind of things in your life."

"Maybe" – Ava muttered – "What about you ?"

"Maybe" – Sara muttered too.

From then on the trip went on surrounded of silence, Ava turned on the radio to fill it up, thankfully it was a short ride and before they knew it, they were in front of Sara’s house.

"Well, thanks for the ride" – Sara said while opening the door.

"You’re welcome" – Ava smiled.

Sara had already stepped off the vehicle, so Ava didn’t see it coming at all, but suddenly she was inside again, kissing her cheek with a smile.

"Sleep tight" – she mumbled near Ava’s ear.

"Good night" – she stuttered, then watched Sara opening the door to her house, the blonde waved and she waved back. Ava stood still for a few minutes, then shook her head and stepped on the pedal, Sara smiled from the window she had been watching the blonde from inside.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Sara takes Ava somewhere special.
> 
> Let me know in the comments what do you guys think about Ava and Nora's friendship !

A week had gone by since then, Ava hadn’t seen Sara, not on her morning walks, or on the late afternoons ones, maybe the blonde was avoiding her ? Ava shook her head.

“Don’t be stupid Ava, why would she avoid you ? You didn’t do anything wrong” – she muttered to herself while turning on her computer. 

The blonde was currently sitting on the loveseat by the window, it was now mid October and the cold was slowly creeping in, she watched some droplets of rain fall while clutching her cardigan closer to her. She wondered if it would snow on christmas, Ava would love to have a white christmas, as cheesy as that sounded. She also wished she wouldn’t be alone for the holidays, but Nora had warned her that they wouldn’t make it for Christmas but would instead, spend the New Year with her, Ava sighed while watching the rain fall.

“It’s you and me Lyra” – she said scratching Lyra’s head and caressing her fur – “You and me.”

Finally the internet connected and she called Nora, a few seconds later the face of her friend appeared on her screen.

“Hi honey” – Nora’s smile could probably be seen from space, Ava couldn’t help but smile too, she was happy that her friend had finally found happiness.

“Hi Nora” – she said smiling – “How are you doing ?”

“Oh you know, work, boring stuff” – she rolled her eyes – “Jake’s talking a little bit more every day, he’ll blow your ear off when we go to visit” – Ava laughed –“ Ray is cooking right now.”

“I’m glad everyone’s okay” – she said honestly – “I can’t wait to see Jake, i miss him, i miss you guys” – she admitted.

“We miss you too honey” – Nora gave her a sad smile – “How’s everything ? How are you doing ?”

“I’m good” – Nora raised an eyebrow – “Well you know how this is, i have good and bad days, and better days” – she chuckled.

“As long as the good ones and better ones outweigh the bad ones” – they both laughed – “So, did you find the peace and quiet you were looking for ?”

“Yeah, i mean, sometimes it’s a little bit too quiet, not gonna lie, but i like it, it’s beautiful here” – she smiled –“ I can’t wait for you guys to come visit.”

“Well yeah, as i told you we had to compromise, this year we’ll spend Thanksgiving with Ray’s family and Christmas with my dad, so we can spend new year’s eve with you.”

“Thank you for doing that, you didn’t have to.”

“Don’t be silly Ava, holidays are to spend with family, you are our family.”

“You guys are my family too” – she said trying to stop her voice from breaking.

“Stop it, you’re gonna make me cry” – Nora said in a high pitched voice, Ava laughed while hiding tears from her own. In that moment her cellphone began to beep, she took a look and saw a new text from Sara.

“Hey Ava !” – Ray’s face appeared suddenly behind Nora’s –“ How are you doing ? We miss you !”

“I miss you too Ray” – she smiled – “What are you cooking ?”

“I’m making risotto” – he said, she could see his stained apron – “My wife’s favourite” – he kissed Nora’s cheek.

“Ray i think your rice is burning” – the brunette said staring at the camera.

“Oh no !” – Ray left as fast as he had come.

“Ava” – oh no, Nora had heard it – “Who texted you ?”

“No one” – she cleared her throat –“ I mean a guy from the grocery store, i’m suppossed to pick up some things i ordered.”

“Ava Sharpe” – Nora used her “mom tone” – “Do not lie to me, you looked at your phone, smiled and blushed” – she said putting enfasis on the word blushed – “Who texted you ?”

“God, do you ever miss anything ?” – she said defeated, damn her, her pale skin and her blushing cheeks –“ It’s a girl i met.”

“Oh my god” – Nora almost screamed – “Oh my god, you met a girl, tell me everything.”

“Nora, it’s nothing” – she said with a serious tone – “She’s my neighbor actually, we met a couple of times, that’s all.”

“What does she look like ?” – Ava sighed – “Do not sigh at me Ava.”

“She’s blonde, has blue eyes and cute freckles all over her face” – she saw Nora’s shocked expression – “What ?”

“You just called her cute.”

“I did not.”

“You did.”

“I didn’t” – Ava knew she did, damn it.

“So what, what did she text you for ?”

“She asked if i want to grab a coffee later” – Nora was clapping and smiling from cheek to cheek on the screen – “Oh stop it.”

“You have a date” – Nora smiled – “You have a date i’m so happy for you honey.”

“It’s not a date” – Ava sighed, or was it ?

“Anyone in their right mind would want to date you Ava” – Nora was back to her “mom tone” – “You are smart, beautiful and you are a good person.”

“Yeah yeah, i also use a cane and have a non functional leg” – she muttered.

“Don’t be stupid” – of course Nora had heard her – “So what if you use a cane or have bad leg ? It doesn’t make you any less smart or any less beautiful, if someone can’t see past that it’s their lost.”

“I know” – she sighed.

“It’s their lost, did you hear me ?”

“I heard you” – Ava rolled her eyes.

“I don’t think i’ve ever seen you blush now that i think about it” – Nora laughed – “What did you say to her ?”

“What ?”

“She asked you out for coffee, what did you say ?”

“Oh” – Ava blushed again because she couldn’t remember the last time she had blushed for receiving a text either –“ I didn’t text her back yet.”

“What ? Why not ?”

“Because i’m talking to you Nora” – Ava laughed – “And i was expecting to see my godson.”

“Jake’s napping”– Nora said waving her hand – “Now i’m gonna end the call so you can text” – she stopped herself – “What’s her name ?”

“Sara.”

“Okay i’m gonna end the call so you can talk to Sara and then you’ll tell me everything, understood ?”

“Do i have any other choice ?”

“No, not really” – both laughed – “Okay, bye honey, i’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye Nora, love you.”

“Love you too” – Ava could hear some noise in the background – “Ray you are not going to believe this” – she heard right before the call ended, she shook her head while chuckling. 

Still smiling, Ava took her phone and read the text Sara had send her again.

“Yeah, what time ?”

“I’ll pick you up at two, that okay ?”

“Perfect, see you later”

“Can’t wait” Ava watched dumbfounded Sara’s answer, oh my god, was Nora right and this was a date ? Did Sara want to date her? She felt her cheeks blush again.

“Damn it Ava, stop it, you’re not some schoolgirl, stop acting like one” – she said to herself, Lyra watched her with a curious expression – “Yeah, i think i’m going crazy too Lyra” – she laughed.

By the time Ava had had lunch the rain wasn’t falling anymore, she sat by the window again, watching the rays of sun that were appearing, a rainbow following behind, she couldn’t help but stare at it for a few minutes, it was beautiful. She sat by the window with a cup of warm tea until knocking on her door made her look away.

“Hi” – Sara was by the door, two coffees to go in her hands, she was also holding a bag and an umbrella, she was wearing a red raincoat and black rain boots.

“Um hi” – Ava looked at the coffees to go – “Sorry, when you said if i wanted to grab a coffee i thought we were going to the diner or something like that.”

“We are going somewhere, just not a dinner” – Sara smiled.

“Can i ask where are we going then ?”

“No” – Sara smirked – “This is for you” – she said giving the bag to Ava, she looked inside, there was a black raincoat and a pair of black rain boots –“ I don’t think it’s gonna rain anymore, but just in case.”

“Okay” – Ava chuckled – “So should i go change ?”

“You should” – Sara laughed watching her from head to toes, because Ava was wearing what appeared to be clothes too expensive to be in the mud – “Can Lyra come with us ?” – the blonde asked while Ava let her inside.

“As if i could stop her”– Ava laughed – “Make yourself comfortable, i’ll be back in a few.”

“Take your time” – Sara said, she was playing with Lyra, who insisted on jumping trying to lick her face, Ava smiled watching them and then climbed the stairs to her room.

“This okay ?” – she said a couple of minutes later.

“That’s” – Sara apparently had lost the ability to speak, Ava was wearing a pair of old jeans and a black hoodie, her blonde and shining hair falling over her shoulders –“ That’s perfect” – she said after clearing her throat.

“Okay, ready to go ?” – Sara was still staring at her – “Sara, are you okay ?” – she asked getting closer and touching the blonde’s elbow.

“Yeah.. yeah i’m okay” – she stuttered then shook her head –“ Let’s go.”

Ava stopped for a few minutes to make sure the windows were closed in case the rain decided to make a new appearence, then put on the rain boots and the raincoat, she took Lyra’s leash just in case, but for now she would let her walk freely.

They walked in silence for about ten minutes, sipping at their coffees and watching around, the smell of wet earth was present in the air and Ava couldn’t help but smile, it had been a long time since she smelled something else than sand and asfalt.

“Um Sara, how far along is this place ?” – Ava asked after a couple of minutes, glancing at her leg and the cane, without really wanting to, but Sara saw it.

“About forty minutes” – Sara said while adjusting the umbrella that was covering both her and Ava, wich made them walk extremely close of one another –“ But don’t worry we can take breaks, take our time, that’s why asked you so early, so it doesn’t get dark when we come back.”

“Okay” – Ave let go of the air she had been holding – “Okay” – she repeated more to herself than to Sara.

“So, how’s your week been? I didn’t see you at the gym after that night.”

“I’ve been able to sleep a little bit better, i’ve been to the gym twice since that night, but not that late, i guess that’s why we didn’t see each other, then i’ve been studying and talking to Nora, today i had kinda a late start” – she avoided telling Sara that she hadn’t been able to sleep at all last night – “and was actually talking to her when i got your text.”

“For what you tell me, she seems to be a nice person” – Sara said smiling.

“She is, she is the best friend i could have ever asked for, at this point she’s more like a sister to me.”

“I get that, i feel the same way about Zari” – then she chuckled –“ Imagine if they met, they would never leave us alone” – they both laughed.

“Talking about Zari, shouldn’t you be working ?” – she asked glancing at her watch.

“Why, you are not enjoying my charming company ?” – Sara smirked.

“Idiot” – Ava laughed.

“No, it’s Sunday, we close the diner on sunday to have time for ourselves”– she said – “Sometimes been in a small town gets overwhelming you know ? Everyone knows each other, and knows everything about everyone, that’s why i like to be outside, here in the forest, so much, i don’t have to listen to gossip here, or make small talk with anyone.”

“Well i could leave you alone if you want” – Sara bumped her hips against Ava’s – “Hey, watch it” – she try to said in a serious tone, but the smile on her face gave her away.

“You are different” – Sara said a few seconds later – “I like spending time with you.”

“I… I like spending time with you too” – she stuttered avoiding to look at Sara.

They took some breaks on the way to the place Sara was taking her, finally about an hour later Sara stopped.

“Sara” – Ava said in awe looking around –“ Oh my God this is beautiful.”

“I know” – Sara said, she was not looking around, she was looking at Ava.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where we find out a little bit more about our favorite blondes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having the crappiest week ever and nothing seems to cheer me up, but whatever, here's another chapter, hope everyone is having a better time than me.

They were at the lake, the water was so clear you could see the rocks underneath it, the shadows of the trees reflected on the water making weird figures on it, there was also a dock that lead you right to the center of the lake and Ava could see herself sitting there on hot summer days. It was cold but now the sun was peeking trough the clouds and a giant rainbow could be seen on the sky, Ava had never seen anything like it. She turned around and saw Sara watching her, for a few seconds she didn’t know what to say, she looked at Sara and then back to the sky.

“It’s beautiful, thank you for bringing me here” – she said still smiling.

“I knew you’d like it” – Sara beamed – “Come on let’s sit, i know you’re cold” – she pointed to a bench that was protected from the rain, closed the umbrella and then took her backpack –“ It’s tea” – she said passing Ava one of the thermos –“ that coffee is probably cold by now” – Ava nodded and passed her the coffee while accepting the tea – “And i made muffins” – the blonde took then a little box.

“Aren’t you full of surprises” – Ava laughed.

“Well i can’t risk you getting bored of me” – Sara said smirking, Ava shook her head.

Ava couldn’t keep her eyes off the image she had in front of herself, while Sara, well she couldn’t keep her eyes off Ava. Their breath was coming out in little puffs of smoke now, and Sara had to rub her hands together to keep them warm.

“It’s cold as fuck now” – Ava laughed –“ but you have to come here in the summer too, the water is always perfect and it’s not very deep, plus what you see now is just a small part of the lake, so we can go around it to avoid people in the summer if it’s very crowded.”

“Bold of you to assume i’ll come here with you in the summer” – Ava smirked and Sara laughed – “I’d love to come” – she said then in a more serious tone.

“I’ll love to bring you” – Sara mumbled – “Actually, there’s a woden path that takes you around the lake, we don’t have time now to go trough it but we’ll have to someday, it’s really beautiful.”

“Well, we’ll have to do it someday then.”

They sat there making small talk, or sometimes no talk at all, Ava had never felt at such ease been in silence with no one else, like ever, but Sara was different, she didn’t try to fill the voids, or didn’t force Ava talk, she just sat at her side looking around, playing with Lyra, or looking at Ava when she thought the blonde didn’t see her, of course Ava did.

“It’s getting late” – Sara said almost two hours later, it was getting a little dark – “We should go back before it gets really dark.”

“Okay” – Ava gave Sara the thermo she still had in her hands, closed the container and gave it to Sara too – “The muffins were great”– she said smiling –“ I thought the only thing you could cook were pancakes.”

“Ugh Zari” – Sara groaned – “I know how to cook… some things” – she added after a few seconds, both laughed –“ It’s not like i’m a chef but i wouldn’t starve to death either” – she stood up – “What about you ?”

“I know hot to cook… like any normal adult would” – Sara swatted her arm – “My grandma teached me, i used to spend summer breaks with her” – she added while they began to walk.

“That’s great” – Sara commented, not really knowing what to say – “is she…alive ?” – Ava smiled.

“No, she died before i went to college” – she gave Sara a sad smile – “so did my dad.”

“I’m sorry” – Sara squeezed her hand.

“We used to come here when i was little actually” – she smiled sadly at the memory – “But we never came to the lake, i don’t know why, he was not a fan of nature i guess, we used to stay at one of the hotels in town.”

“Did your mom ever come ?”

“No” – Ava’s voice hardened – “She never came with us, to busy with her career i guess.”

After that they walked in silence for about twenty minutes, Lyra ahead of them, chasing a squirrel or waiting for one of them to throw her a branch to catch, Ava was paying so much attention to the dog that she forgot to watch where she was going, and before she could do anything her cane had tangled on roots from the floor, she didn’t even have time to put her hands in front of her to try and minimize the fall.

“Shit, are you okay ?” – Sara had been watching Lyra too, unable to catch Ava, she bent down, worry in her face – “Here” – she extended her hands, Ava grabbed it and stood up, her face was red with embarrassment –“ Are you okay ?”

“Yeah, yeah, i’m okay” – Ava wasn’t sure if her face could get any more red.

“You’re bleeding” – Sara pointed to her left knee, her jeans had broken.

“It’s nothing” – she dissmised it, Lyra was at her side know, worrying about her too – “I’m okay Lyra, calm down” – she said, taking a deep breath and scratching the dog.

“My house is not far away, just about fifteen minutes.”

“Okay” – Ava nodded avoiding looking to Sara.

“Hey, you don’t have to be ashamed of anything” – she squeezed Ava’s hand again – “It was just a fall, could happen to anyone.”

“I know” – Ava mumbled – “I know.”

“Okay” – Sara sighed but didn’t say anything else.

Fifteen minutes later they were at Sara’s home, she let Ava and Lyra in and ignited a fire on the fireplace in a few minutes, the room, the living room Ava guessed, was covered in the glow of the fire, and she instantly felt warmer.

“Okay let me see” – Sara appeared a few seconds later with a first aid box in her hands.

“I told you it’s nothing” – Ava objected.

“You are a doctor, you know there’s a risk of infection with any kind of injury, so don’t fight it and let me see so i can clean it up.”

Ava sighed but Sara didn’t relent, slowly Ava rolled her jeans up and thanked god that she had shaved her legs the day before.

“It could be worse” – Sara said, she was kneeling down on the soft carpet while Ava was sitting on the comfy couch – “This will sting a little” – she warned before dabbing at the injury with alcohol and cotton, Ava hissed – “Sorry” – she then applied antibiotic cream and a bandage – “There, all done.”

“Thanks” – Ava could feel that her face was red again.

“I’ll make us some tea” – the blonde stood up and left Ava alone, she stood up and watched around, there was a few photos, mostly of Sara and Zari, but another one catched her eye, a beautiful brunette was standing side by side with a younger Sara, both smiling from cheek to cheek, Laurel probably-

“Here” – Sara appeared suddenly, Ava almost jumped but she turned around like she hadn’t been prying, the blonde gave her a new pair of jeans –“ So you can get out of those wet ones” – she said pointing to Ava – “They’ll probably be a little bit short on you.”

“It’s not your fault you’re so short” – she said laughing, Sara snorted – “Thanks” – she said, then Sara pointed her to the bathroom. Once in she took the time to also wash her hands, that were covered in mud from trying to stop the fall in vain, the wind had made a mess on her hair, so she braided it and after taking one last look at the mirror she got out.

“Better ?” – Sara asked while giving her a warm cup of tea.

“Much, thanks” – Ava took the cup and placed her hands around it – “Your house is beautiful.”

“Zari made most of the decoration, if it were for me it’ll probably look very empty” – Sara shrugged.

“Not a fan of decoration ?” – Ava raised her eyebrow.

“Not a fan of memories” – Sara sighed –“ I saw you looking at the picture.”

“I’m sorry i didn’t mean to pry” – Ava began to apologize.

“It’s okay” – Sara reassured her with a little smile – “That’s Laurel.”

“She was beautiful.”

“Yeah, she really was” – Sara breathed, and for a moment she got lost in thought.

“How old was she ?”

“She was thirty” – Sara’s eyes got glossed from a moment.

Ava didn’t know what else to say without prying, so she sipped the tea in silence while scratching Lyra’s head.

“It’s dark” – she said breaking the silence after a couple of minutes – “I should go home.”

“Yeah, sorry” – Sara apologized – “Come on, i’ll walk you home.”

“You don’t have to.”

"No, but i want to, let’s go" – Ava shook her head laughing, then followed Sara.

The walk back was slow, it took them almost half an hour to reach Ava’s house.

“Well” – Ava cleared her throat –“ I had a great time.”

“Me too” – Sara smiled – “We’ll have to do it again.”

“Sure” – this time Ava was the one smiling – “Well good night.”

“Good night Ava” – Sara kissed her cheek, then smiled and turned around.

“Bye” – Ava was left once again on her front porch watching Sara walk away, the blonde turned around and waved at Ava with a smile from cheek to cheek, Ava waved back and couldn’t help but smile back, suddenly she felt warm inside, and hours later, the smile hadn’t left her face.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Ava is oblivious and Sara is a gentlewoman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely readers, how are we doing knowing that we're having season 7 ?!!! I'm so happy, maybe we'll get more Avalance development, are you excited ?

Thursday morning Sara woke up to the sound of rain falling on her window, she stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before rolling over and grabbing her cellphone, it was seven am, she sighed. The blonde had been tossing and turning all night, and she was tired, lately her nights had been filled with nightmares, it always happened when the date of what happened to her dad and Laurel came closer. The anniversary of their deads was almost two weeks away and she was already suffering. Sighing one more time she got up and put on her sneakers.

“Went for a run” she wrote on a post it leaving it on the fridge for Zari to see, rain or not she was going out, Sara needed to get as tired as possible to get a night free of nightmares.

The blonde felt the cold air morning hitting her face but she didn’t care, really it was not raining that hard, and after all it was just water, not acid. She took the long path to the lake, jogged around it following the wooden path, made a couple of laps and then took again the long path to begin the journey back. She was about to take the path that would lead her directly to her house, but at the last moment Sara took a turn. Soon enough she was standing outside of Ava’s house, she looked at her watch, it was half past eight, Ava would probably be sleeping, right ? She shook her head and after taking one last look she finally headed back home.

“Sara ?” – Zari’s voice could be heard the moment she opened the door.

“Hey, good morning” – the blonde went inside, leaving her sneakers outside.

“I was just about to go to the diner” – Zari looked at her – “Are you okay ?”

“Yeah” – Sara braced herself against the kitchen counter and sighed –“ I mean you know how this is Z” – she said, there was no point about trying to hide anything, Zari had known her for years and had held her more times that she could count.

“I know” – Zari smiled sadly – “But remember i’m here okay, to talk… or to drink” – Sara laughed – “Well actually, you can drink and i’ll watch you, but the offer stands” – Zari smiled – “And remember to talk to Amaya if you need it.”

“I know” – Sara nodded –“ I remember.”

“Okay, i have to go now” – the brunette stood up –“ I love you.”

“I love you too Z” – the two hugged for a couple of minutes in silence.

“See you later” – Sara nodded and Zari left.

Sara took a couple of second to collect herself and then went upstairs to take a much needed shower. She stood under the spray of hot water until her skin was raw, she rubbed her face trying too make dissapear the tears that couldn’t stop falling, she sighed, straightened her back, let a few more tears fall, washed her face one more time and got out. The blonde then went downstairs and had breakfast while checking her phone, nothing to interesting. She was scrolling trough Facebook when a photo of Thea Queen with her baby appeared, she smiled at the picture, and couldn’t help but wonder what her own life would look like if what happened hadn’t happened. Sara sighed, there was no point to think like that, Laurel and her dad were dead and that was it. The blonde was about to head back to bed when a text message appeared on her screen.

“Hey, wanna grab a coffee later ?” Ava was asking.

“Sure, what time ?”

“Does around three work for you ?”

“No, sorry, i have the afternoon shift today. I finish around eight”

“Oh okay” “Would you like to have dinner instead ?” both text got one after the other.

“Yeah, sounds good”

“Well, i’ll meet you at the diner then”

“Okay, see you later”

Sara couldn’t help the smile on her face, maybe this was not going to be a shitty day after all.

Ava was currently pacing on her kitchen, god, had she just ask Sara out on a date ? Her pulse was racing and she was freaking out, after taking a couple of breaths she took out her phone again.

“Hello darling” – Nora’s voice at the other end picked up – “How are you doing ?”

“Oh god Nora, what am i doing ?” – she was oficially freaking out.

“Ava, what’s wrong ?” – Nora’s tone sounded concerned now, she could hear Ava almost hyperventilating – “Okay sweetie, sit down” – she said in a calm voice – “Take a couple of breaths and try to talk to me.”

Ava sat on the couch and took five deep breaths, focusing on the way the air expanded her lungs and how it left them.

“Okay” – she sighed – “Remember how i went to grab coffee with Sara the other day ?”

“I remember” – Nora said calmly – “What happened ?”

“So i know i should have called to tell you how it went, but i forgot, sorry.”

“It’s okay, you can tell me now.”

“Turns out that we didn’t go to a dinner, we went to the lake, and she had made us coffee and tea to go” – she said in a rush – “And she made us muffins, she made muffins Nora!”

“Okay” – her friend was laughing at her now – “What’s wrong with muffins ? I know you like them.”

“Nora” – she warned – “The problem wasn’t the muffins, what if it was a date ?”

“Oh, honey, it was a date trust me” – she could hear Ava gasping again – “Don’t freak out Ava.”

“Okay, okay” – the blonde repeated trying to calm herself – “So, today i texted her, to grab another coffee, but she can’t because she has to work, and i… i asked her out to dinner.”

“You what ?” – Nora squealed – “Ava Sharpe you’re full of surprises.”

“But i didn’t mean it like that” – Ava took her head between her hands –“ I was just trying to be friendly and now”

“Now what ?”

“What if she thinks this is a date ?”

“Do you want it to be a date ?” – the line went silence for a couple of seconds – “Ava? “

“I don’t know” – the blonde sighed.

“Okay look, what if it is a date ? You like her, and she likes you, what would be the problem ?”

“It’s just, i don’t think i’m ready to have a relationship.”

“Honey, you’re ready to be happy” – Nora was using her “mom tone” – “You just gotta give yourself the chance.”

“I know” – she said remembering once more the promise she had made to herself.

“Look, just try to relax for now, okay ? You still have a couple of hours, so relax, take a bath, try on a couple of outfits, send me the pics and i’ll help you choose, okay ?”

“Okay” – she breathed – “Thanks Nor.”

“Anytime honey.”

Ava sat on the couch for a couple of minutes before standing up and making her way to the kitchen, she poured herself a cup of coffee, and took one of the anatomy books she had been reading the day before. Nothing like studying to get her head off a certain blonde.

“Okay, what about this one ?” -a couple of hours later Ava was facetiming with Nora, the brunette helping her to choose an outfit.

“Turn around”– the voice from Nora could be heard, while Ava watched herself in the mirror – “Um, i don’t like the shirt or the sweater, but this jeans Ava, they show up your ass, leave them on”– Ava laughed.

“You’re incorrigible” – she laughed while watching herself – “But it’s true” – she said while turning around on the pair of skinny black jeans that she was wearing –“ I’ll look for another shirt.”

“It doesn’t have to be a shirt honey, you’re not going to a work interview” – Nora objected – “What about the black t-shirt with the cleavage and the dark blue blazer?” – the brunette pipped in.

“Don’t you think it’s a little bit much ?” – she doubted – “It’s not like she’ll be dressed up, she will be getting off work.”

“It’s not too much Ava, trust me, go try them on.”

“Okay” – Ava took the clothes and disappeared behind the bathroom door – “What do you think ?” - she asked a couple of seconds later.

“Honey” – Nora was smiling from cheek to cheek –“ You look gorgeous.”

“Of course you’ll say that, you’re my friend” – she laughed.

“Honey, if it weren’t because i’m madly in love with Ray and well, because i’m not gay, i’ll date you without thinking too much about it” – Ava rolled her eyes.

“Oh hey Ava” – Ray appeared on the screen – “Wow, you look great.”

“She’s got a date” – Nora announced proudly.

“It’s not a date” – Ava grumbled in the background.

“It is” – Nora objected.

“Well, who’s the lucky girl ?” – Ray asked.

“Just a girl i met a couple of weeks ago” – Ava said blushing.

“Well, i hope we get to meet her” – Ray smiled – “And you look beautiful” – Nora smiled at her husband – “Go get the girl.” – he encouraged her. 

“Yeah okay Ray, now go we have to talk” – Ava laughed.

“Bye Ava, good luck.”

“Thanks Ray.”

“So” – Nora cleared her throat – “Have you kissed her yet ?”

“What ?! No !” – Ava blushed again.

“But, do you want to ?” – for a moment Ava got lost thinking about blue eyes and pink lips – “Oh you sooo want to.”

“She kissed me on the cheek” – Ava said in a rush.

“I didn’t get that, what ?”

“She kissed me on the cheek… twice” – the blonde repeated after clearing her throat.

“Oh my god, and you were thinking that it wasn’t a date” – Nora sighed – “Seriously Ava you are one of the smartest people i know, but honey sometimes i sure to god you’re oblivious.”

“Ugh… i know.”

“So, what did you do after she kissed you ?”

“Nothing i… i just said goodbye” – Ava mumbled.

“Okay, okay” – Nora calmed her down – “Look she obviously likes you, so you should do something this time.”

“Something like what?” 

“Kiss her on the cheek, hold her hand” – Nora thought for a few seconds – “something you would do to make sure that she knows this is a date, like hold the doors open for her, offer to pay the check, that kind of things.”

“Okay” – Ava was more nervous now – “I can do that” – she took a look at her watch –“ I should be going.”

“Okay honey, you got this” – Nora encouraged her –“ I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay, thanks Nor. Love you.”

“Love you too honey.”

They ended the call and Ava fumbled for a few minutes with her hair, deciding to let it fall freely around her shoulders, then checked her make up, going with a more natural look, not wanting to over do it, and finally, after saying bye to Lyra and checking door and windows, she went out and climbed into her car.

“Okay, so how do i look ?” – Sara was nervous too, and was checking with Zari.

“You look beautiful Sara” – the brunette assured her.

“I look like i just got off a shift of eight hours” – she sighed – “I should cancel.”

“You’re not cancelling anything” – Zari took Sara’s phone – “You look gorgeous and Ava knows you’ve been working, she won’t mind that you look a little bit tired.”

“Okay” – Sara sighed – “Okay” – she repeated.

“I’ve never seen you this nervous before” – Zari commented – “You really like her.”

“I mean… maybe ? I don’t know this is just, new and… a little overwhelming” – the blonde sighed.

“It’ll go great i’m sure.”

“She’s here” – Sara said watching the door.

“Okay, take a deep breath and go” – she nudged Sara out while waving to Ava, who waved back.

“Hi” – Ava said once Sara stepped outside.

“Hi” – the blonde said back, watching Ava from head to toes – “You look gorgeous” – she said.

“Thanks, so do you” – Ava smiled – “So, where should we go ?”

“There’s a fancy diner a couple of blocks away, if you don’t mind walking.”

“I don’t” – Ava said, they began to walk, Ava always using the help of her cane – “So, how was your shift ?”

“Slow” – both laughed – “No, really, it was a slow day, i even told Zari that if the night shift is the same she should close early and go home to catch up on sleep.”

“Is it always like this ? I mean slow.”

“Not always, sometimes, i mean on the holidays we get tourists so everything gets a little bit crowded, you know ? But then the rest of the year it’s just us, i mean the people who live here, maybe a couple of tourists but none more of that.”

“I don’t like crowds” – Ava confessed surprising even herself.

“I used to like them” – Sara said – “I used to go to parties every weekend, always surrounded by people, never alone” – she sighed – “Until everything became too much and i couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Because of what happened with Laurel ?” – Ava asked carefully.

“Because of what happened to Laurel and my dad” – Sara said – “Then everyone was asking how was i doing, what had happened, they looked at me with pity and it was just too much, i needed fresh air.”

“Yeah, i get that” – they walked for a few more minutes in silence until they reached the diner – “After you” – Ava said holding the door, Sara smiled.

They were eating making small talk, until Ava noticed that Sara was looking, more like staring to something at her left.

“What is it ?” – she asked refraining from turning around and see for herself.

“Does it bother you ?”

“What ?”

“People staring” – at that Ava did turn around and saw a guy watching her, who pretended to look the other way – “He has been watching you, well us, and the cane since the moment we stepped in.”

“Honestly? A little, but i try not to pay attention, besides i kinda understand why they stare, i wish they didn’t because it makes me uncomfortable, always hated been the center of attention, but there’s nothing i can do to change it, so i try to pretend that i don’t see them.”

“Well i’m gonna stare at him until he’s the one feeling uncomfortable” – Ava laughed.

“Well i mean, if you want to spend the time staring at a guy when i’m right in front of you, go ahead” – Ava was joking, Sara could tell by her tone.

“That’s not what i meant” – she corrected – “I’d rather look at your beautiful face” – Ava blushed and almost choked on the water she was drinking.

After that dinner was over pretty quickly, they both had dessert, they argued a little about who got to pay the check, but Ava won at the end. After that they decided to walk outside. The night was chilly and Ava regreted not taking the sweater that had been her first choice.

“You’re cold” – Sara said suddenly – “Here” – she took her jacket and draped it over Ava’s shoulder.

“You’ll get cold” – Ava tried to refuse.

“I’m used to it” – Sara shrugged – “Hey the coffee shop it’s open, would you like one ?”

“I shouldn’t drink coffee this late, i won’t be able to sleep” – she refused.

“They also have tea, come on” – Sara lead her inside the coffee shop, and ordered two chamomile teas to go.

“Having trouble sleeping too ?”

“A little” – Sara mumbled – “How’s the study going ?”

“Fine, i mean i haven’t had to study this hard since a couple of years” – both laughed – “But i like it, it helps to keep my mind of wandering.”

“What does your mind wander about ?” – Sara asked smirking.

“A couple of things” – Ava said dissmising the question, what was she suppossed to say ? “My mind wanders about you” ? Hell not.

They walked a couple more of blocks until they reached Ava’s car.

“Do you want a ride ?” – she asked while fishing the keys of the pocket of her blazer.

“Sure” – Sara smiled and after Ava had unlocked the doors she climbed in.

“Oh yes, it’s warm here” – she breathed hugging her arms.

“You idiot” – Ava said while taking off the jacket Sara had given her and now draping it over the blonde’s shoulder – “I told you you’ll get cold.”

“It was worth it” – Sara smirked and Ava shook her head while rolling her eyes – “Plus you were really cold, i saw you shivering. You were, weren’t you ?”

“I was” – Ava relented – “You frustate me more than anyone else i’ve ever met” – she said trying to hide her smile.

“You’re welcome” – Sara piped in – “You’re smiling.”

“Don’t get too cocky” – Ava warned, but the smile wouldn’t leave her face.

Soon enough they had reached Sara’s home, and Ava knew she should say or do something now, but she wasn’t sure what.

“ I had a great time” – she said turning and watching the blonde’s face.

“Me too” – Sara smiled, the blonde was looking at Ava’s eyes, but for a moment her eyes dropped to her lips, and Ava had seen it.

“Good night Sara” – she said stopping whatever had been in the blonde’s mind, instead it was her the one who got closer and dropped a kiss on Sara’s cheek, the blonde blushed for a moment, clearly not expecting Ava to do that.

“Good night” – Sara repeated, but this time she also leaned forward, kissing the blonde’s cheek for a few seconds longer of what would be considered appropriate. Then she climbed out of the car, Ava waited until she was inside, Sara waved and she waved back.

“Fuck, this definetely was a date” – she said while starting the engine again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, what do yo guys think about their date? Also, who else is anxious to know what happened to Laurel and Quentin ?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, please remember the trigger warnings for this fic. 
> 
> Hope everyone is doing okay, let me know what you think about this chapter in the comments !

"No, no Laurel please" – Sara begs, tears streaming down her face, her hands are tied behind her back and her feet tied to the chair she’s sitting on – "Please don’t do this" – Sara begs again, she doesn’t want to look at anything else besides Laurel’s eyes, because right nex to her sister, the body of their father is lying down, blood spreading around – "Please we won’t do anything, please don’t kill her" – Sara begs one more time but the man just gives an evil smirk while getting closer to her sister, Laurel knows what’s coming, she closes her eyes but only for a moment, then she’s focusing again on her little sister, the man raises the gun, the brunette mouths “I love you” while tears stream down her face, a shot is heard and Sara screams.

"NO, LAUREL PLEASE NO !" – Sara wakes up screaming on her bed, she is scrambling off, still caught up in her dream, she doesn’t notice that her feet got tangled on the sheets and falls face first on the floor.

"Sara" – Zari is in her room – "Sara, it’s okay, you’re safe" – she knows what to do, this is not the first time something like this has happened, but seeing her friend like this doesn’t hurt any less – "Sara, listen to my voice" – she gets closer to the blonde but avoids touching her, she had made that mistake once, and was not looking to have her nose broken again – "Listen to my voice, is Zari" – Sara is now sitting on the floor, her chest rising and falling quickly – "Try to open your eyes" – Zari coaxes, she’s now sitting right next to the blonde – "Try to open your eyes, remember where you are" – after a few minutes Sara opens her eyes, the blue icy ones take a look at the room, Zari can see the fear in her friend’s eyes – "It’s okay, you’re safe" – she repeats with calm in her voice – "Okay, you know what to do, take your time" - Zari lets go of the breath she had been holding, at least the worst is over – "That’s it, take a deep breath, you’re doing great" – Sara breathes in and out, trying to clear her mind and push away the images that haunt her in her dreams – "Ready ?" – Sara nods – "Okay, breathe, you can do it."

"My… my name is Sara Lance" – she stutters at first and clears her throat – "I’m living in Mifflintown, Pennsylvania, with my friend Zari, it’s 2021 and we are safe" – she finally exhales, and rests her forehead on Zari’s shoulder.

"You did great" – after Sara initiates the contact Zari doesn’t doubt it, she hugs the blonde, knowing that that’s exactly what Sara needs, she lets her cry on her shoulder, her heart breaking at the sobs of her friend. It’s almost an hour later when Sara calms down enough, her breathing is back at normal although the tears are still streaming down her face – "I’ll prepare you a bath, okay ?" – the brunette helps Sara back on the bed, kisses her forehead and leaves the room.

Sara hides her face in her hands, trying to muffle the sobs that are still trying to get out of her mouth, her whole body is shaking and she feels slightly nauseous, the images of Laurel’s murder still fresh on her mind.

"Okay, come on" – Zari is back on the room, she helps Sara to stand up and supporting her weight helps her to the bathroom, the blonde’s clothes are soaked on sweat, this was a bad one, Zari can tell, she helps Sara out of her clothes, they had done this so many times, that she’s not even ashamed, she removes Sara’s clothes leaving her only in her underwear – "Okay, slowly" – she helps the blonde to sit on the floor of the bathtub that’s filled with hot water, then she opens the shower – "Do you want me to stay ?" – she asks while the hot water begans to fall down on her friend’s hair, face and back, Sara shakes her head – "Okay, i’ll be waiting right outside the door" – Sara nods – "Don’t try to stand up onyour own" – Zari warns, that had happened once too, Sara ended up having five stitches to her forehead – "Call me when you’re ready" – Sara nods again, and Zari leaves her alone.

The brunette goes down the stairs and puts on a kettle to make some tea, she checks her phone, it’s almost half past six, she knows neither will go back to bed, she’ll have to take over Sara’s shifts for the day, a few minutes later she goes back up stairs and sits on the floor with her back resting on the bathroom door, she can hear some muffled sounds from inside, but knows better than to barge in, Sara needs a few minutes alone. She takes out her phone again and reads the news for the day, checks twitter and Instagram. When the clock strikes seven am she considers this is now a reasonable time to text Amaya.

“Hey” she writes “Sara needs an appointment for today”

“Good morning Zari” Amaya replies almost inmediately “I have a spot free after three, that okay?”

“If you have anything sooner better, if not, we’ll take that one”

“Okay, i’ll check my agenda and text you later”

“Okay, thanks”

Amaya doesn’t even need to ask, they been trough this a couple of times a year, but especially when the anniversary of Laurel and Quentin’s dead get closer.

Half and hour more passes until Zari hears Sara calling her. She stands up, opens the door after knocking and helps the blonde to stand up, covering her in a fluffy towel, she helps her to dry and put on some new and clean clothes, after that, Sara seats on the closet toilet seat and Zari brushes and then dries her hair. In all that time Sara continues to cry, although sobs are not racking her body now and she’s not shivering anymore.

"Thanks Z" – she says, her voice is hoarse, probably from the screaming and crying she had been doing.

"Anytime Sara, anytime" – the brunette cleans the bathroom and then leads Sara downstairs – "Here, drink it" – she gives the blonde the cup of tea – "Be careful, is hot" – she warns and then takes her own.

"Did you talk to Amaya ?" – the blonde asks.

It had been hard at first, after coming to Mifflintown she had to change therapyst, and talking was hard, had always been for Sara. But she knew she needed to do it, she needed to talk to someone to get better, and Amaya made it easy. She and Zari had had a couple of fights about it, but now it was not an issue anymore, Sara knew she needed Amaya and that was it.

"Yeah, she has a spot free today at three."

"Okay" – the blonde sighed.

"I can close the diner, stay here with you and then take you to the appointment."

"No, it’s okay" – Sara breathed deep trough her nose – "I can go alone."

"Sara" – Zari warned.

"Really Z, just go to work and i’ll call you if i need help, i promise."

"You promise ?"

"I promise."

"Okay" – Zari nodded – "So, how do you feel about breakfast ?"

"Sorry you have to take my shift" – the blonde apologized.

"Hey, there’s nothing to be sorry about, okay ?" – the brunette squeezed Sara’s shoulder – "Now, breakfast ?" – she turned on the stove.

"Yeah, i’m feeling a little nauseous but i’ll try" – the blonde conceded.

"That’s all i ask" – Zari smiled.  
\-------------------------------------------------------

"So, it was a date" – Nora smiled.

"Well, none of us officially asked the other" – Ava said using enfasis on the word “officially” – "So, i said it was not."

"Okay honey, whatever makes you feel better" – Ava rolled her eyes – "So, what are your plans for today ?"

"I have therapy in about two hours" – she said checking her watch – "Then i don’t know, i’ll study or watch something on Netflix."

"Have you talked to Sara since ?" – It had been two days since the no date, that was in fact a date.

"We texted a couple of times yesterday" – she said – "But i think she has work today."

"Okay, i so want to meet her" – Nora almost squealed, Ava laughed – "Okay, so i have to go" – the brunette checked something behind her – "I better get Jake ready for daycare."

"Okay Nor, i’ll talk to you later."

"Love you."

"Love you too" – they ended the call. 

Ava got up and called for Lyra, who was currently playing on her backyard with a squirrel that visited them almost every day, Ava had taken so many pictures of them together that her cellhone's memory was about to collapse – "Hey girl" – she said scratching the dog behind her ears – "Should we take a walk before going to therapy ?" – Lyra gave little jumps of excitement – "Yeah let’s go."

Exactly two hours later Ava climbed off of her car, Lyra behind her, she opened the door of the hospital and walked to Amaya’s office, she was checking her phone, so didn’t see that someone was walking straight to her leaving the doctor’s office.

"Oh god sorry" – she apologized raising her eyes, when she saw who had she crashed into – "Sara ?" – the blonde looked tired, so tired, and even if she was wearing dark sunglasses Ava could see her flushed and kinda irritated cheeks, she had been crying there was no doubt – "What are you doing here ?"

"Leaving therapy ?" – the blonde said, sarcasm dropping on her voice.

"Amaya is your therapyst ?"

"Yes."

"Why didn’t you tell me she was your therapyst ?" – Ava was feeling anxious, what if Amaya had told her something about herself ? No, that was impossible, don’t be stupid Ava.

"Because i didn’t know she was your therapyst too? Besides, I don’t owe you the story of my life."

"You’re right, i’m sorry" – she apologized – "Are you okay ?"

"I have to go" – Sara dismissed her and began to walk away.

"Why are you acting this way ?" – Ava asked reaching for the blonde’s arm.

"You’re not the only one who has problems, you know ?" – Sara spatted, then walked away.

Ava stood there for a few seconds, feeling confused, what the hell had just happened ? She knocked on Amaya’s door, and when a voice gave her permission she went inside.  
"Hello Ava, how are you"

"Why didn’t you tell me Sara was your pacient ?" – she asked interrupting the brunette.

"Why don’t you sit down ?" – Amaya gestured with her hand to the sofa – "I know you talked about Sara a couple of time here with me" – Ava nodded – "but i can’t give information about my patients, wether it is if they come to see me or not, or what we talk about."

"So you didn’t tell her anything about me ?"

"Of course not Ava, i am legally binded because of pacient-doctor confidenciality, i can’t tell her anything about you and i can’t tell anything to you about Sara."

"Okay" – the blonde sighed – "Okay."

"Why don’t you take a breath, try to calm down a little" – the brunette smiled.

"Sorry about that" – Ava said after a couple of minutes regaining her composture.

"It’s okay" – Amaya smiled with empathy – "I know you have some trust issues and that it’s hard for you to share information, but trust me, what you say to me in this room stays in this room, okay ?"

"Okay" – Ava nodded.

\-----------------------------------------

It was late at night, Ava was about to climb on bed when she got a text.

“I’m at the gym” it was from Sara.

"Wanna hit the bag ?” she got before she had time to answer the other one.

Something was off, she could sense it, first the encouter they had this morning and now this ?

“Be there in twenty” she took of her pajamas and put on her work out clothes, leaving her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head. Lyra was sleeping but she decided not to take her chances of going out without her, softly she woke her up and together they climbed down the stairs.

Before Ava could even reach the sparing room she could hear the hits on the bag, she frowned.

"Sara ?" – she said getting closer. The blonde didn’t stop, apparently she hadn’t hear her, Ava took a look at the blonde, she looked terrible, her eyes were puffy and red, like she had been crying the entire day, her cheeks were both red because of the crying and flushed because of the heat, her hair was up in a bun, her forehead was covered on sweat and some strands of hair were sticking to it. Lyra barked and that seemed to get the blonde’s attention – "Hey" – she said smiling.

"I didn’t hear you come in" – Sara said while cleaning some of the sweat on her face with a towel she had on her shoulder – "I wanted to say i’m sorry for this morning, i shouldn’t have talked to you that way."

"It’s okay" – Ava waved her off – "I was out of line too" – she said.

"Would you hold it for me ?" – the blonde asked gesturing to the bag.

"Yeah, sure" – she ordered Lyra to stand down, the dog flopped on to her belly and watched them.

She let Sara hit the bag for as long as she wanted, it had been almost an hour now and she was still going, but she was tired, Ava could see it, her punches were weak and it looked like her legs were about to give up on her.

"I think that’s enough" – she say letting go of the bag and standing aside, but Sara kept going – "Sara, that’s enough" – the blonde didn’t listen – "You’re gonna hurt yourself" – she raised her voice a little, but the blonde kept punching, finally she made a decision, she stood in front of Sara and stopped the next punch with her hand, not that it required a lot of effort – "That’s enough" – she repeated, softly this time, she saw that the blonde was crying again, her cheeks were wet and flushed – "It’s enough" – she repeated, then without knowing why she took a step closer, and then another, and before she knew it Sara was on her, she was sobbing against her shoulder, Ava didn’t doubt it and took the weight of the blonde on her own, she rubbed her back while Sara let go of the tears. They stood there for about twenty minutes.

"Sorry" – the blonde said moving away – "I’ll hit the showers" – she mumbled without looking at Ava’s face.

"Okay" – she said, then watched the blonde go. She sat on the bench scratching Lyra’s head, then stood up, took her cane and began to turn off the lights and the heat of the gym.

"You waited" – Sara said appearing again, sounding surprised, her hair was dripping wet, but she looked a little bit better, just a little bit.

"Of course" – Ava smiled – "Come on, i’ll give you a ride."

"You don’t have to" – Sara looked embarrassed.

"Come on" – she tugged on the blonde’s hands, Lyra followed behind them.

The ride back was silent, Sara kept looking out the window like something incredible was out there, but in fact she was trying to avoid looking at the blonde who was currently driving. Ava kept throwing looks her way, concerned about the blonde but don’t wanting to pry. Twenty minutes later they were outside Sara’s house, apparently Zari had been waiting for her, because as soon as Ava parked outside the brunette was standing on the door.

"Hey" – she took Sara’s hand before the blonde could climb out of the car – "Text me."

"Okay" – Sara looked for a few seconds at their joined hands, then looked at Ava’s face – "Thanks for the ride."

"Get some rest" – Sara nodded and exited the vehicle.

Ava stood there watching the blonde get inside, Zari mouthed a “thank you”, she nodded and then went back home.

"Should we try to get some sleep Lyra ?" – she said while getting into her house, the dog barked – "Yeah, i’m tired too" – she sighed and pulled the covers up to her chin. That night Ava dreamed of icy blue eyes and flushed cheeks.


	15. Chapter 15

Ava was still on bed, ignoring the alarm that had been blasting trough her phone for the last hour, she didn’t want to get up, the sun was up and some rays were filtering trough her curtains but she refused to open her eyes and begin the day. Lyra was on bed with her, licking her face and barking a few times trying to get her out of bed, but this was not a normal day, she could feel it since the moment the blonde had opened her eyes. Ava stretched her hand shutting off the alarm and before she could put down her phone down it beeped again.

“Hey, i’m really sorry about the other day” it was Sara “I’m having a couple of bad rough days”

“It’s okay” she texted back “I’m sorry too, you didn’t have to tell me Amaya was your therapyst and i shouldn’t have asked”

“It’s fine 😊” Ava smiled a little at the emoji “So, coffee?” Ava frowned watching the text but before she could write back, another one got in “I’m outside” Ava opened her mouth, her hair was a freaking mess.

“Give me a few minutes” she texted back, getting out of bed she rushed to the bathroom, not even bothering to change her pajamas, that consisted on a baby blue t shirt with buttons and pants, she brushed her teeth, twice, and then braided her hair to the side, then she took her cane and made it downstairs.

"Sorry, i can go if you want" – Sara said right after the blonde opened the door – "I know this was unexpected."

"It’s okay" – Ava smiled a little – "Come in" – Lyra jumped on Sara the moment she made it inside the house, Sara laughed – "She really likes you" – Ava commented while taking the coffee from the blonde’s hand.

"I really like her too" – Sara said, she followed Ava to the kitchen and took a sit on one of the stools – "Um, maybe the coffees got cold."

"I can make new ones, there’s no problem" – Ava turned on the coffee maker and checked the bag that Sara had gave her – "Did you bake this too ?"

"No" – Sara chuckled – "I had an early morning, bought them on the pastry shop, do you like them ?"

"I love cinnamon rolls" – Ava grinned – "How did you know ?"

"I had a hunch" – Sara shrugged her shoulder – "Nice pajamas by the way" – she said with a straight face, but Ava could hear the teasing tone.

"Don’t even tell me" – she poured coffee for the both of them – "Careful it’s hot."

"So, having a late morning ?" – Sara asked while embracing the cup between her hands.

"More like don’t wanting a morning" – Ava sighed an after taking the cream and sugar and leaving on the table she took a sit in front of Sara – "I’m not having a good day" – she looked away not used to sharing her feelings, or moods in this case.

"Oh, i’m sorry" – Sara mumbled – "I can go if you want me to" – she offered.

"Don’t be silly" – Ava objected –" I’m not kicking you out, you brought me cinnamon rolls for god’s sake."

"Okay" – Sara chuckled – "So i was wondering if you’d like to go for a walk, that’s why i came actually" – she sipped more of the coffee after pouring sugar on it –" You don’t have to say yes."

"I don’t want to" – she said honestly, then looked at Lyra – "but i know i have to" – she smiled sadly – "Lyra was already getting agitated trying to get me out of bed, i know better than to stay on bed all day."

"Okay then" – Sara smiled, brightly, the smile reaching her eyes, and Ava could swear that she felt her heart skipping a beat – "You’ll want to bundle up, the sun is up but the cold is being a bitch today."

"Yeah well, it’s about a month till winter comes" – Ava said while sipping coffee and then taking a bite out of the pastry – "Oh my god" – she almost moaned.

"I know right ?" – this time Sara was fully smirking at her – "They are the best" – Ava nodded.

They made small talk while having breakfast, then Ava excused herself to go upstairs and change, in the meantime Sara stood down playing with Lyra.

"I’m ready" – the blonde announced once she made it down – "Lyra come here" – she also put a sweater on the dog that matched the color of the jacket she was wearing that day.

"You both look so cute" – Sara said watching them, Ava could feel her cheeks going full red and avoided looking to Sara’s eyes while pretending to look for her keys. The truth was that Ava thought that Sara looked really cute today, not that she was about to tell her, the blonde was wearing a dark green beanie, her hair falling down her shoulders, her face was flushed from the cold, her nose was red, she was wearing a cream sweater with a black jacket over it, black high waisted jeans and comfy black boots, Ava was wearing a militar green jacket, a black sweater underneath it, a black scarf around her neck, high waisted dark blue jeans and black boots.

"Ready ?" – she asked taking Lyra’s leash and her keys, Sara nodded – "Let’s go girl" – she said to Lyra, the dog was almost out of the door already, Sara chuckled – "Yeah, she’s like that" – Ava smiled.

They walked trough the forest close to each other, Sara was right, the cold was being a bitch today.

"You were right about the cold" – Ava said when she could no longer feel her face, she was sure her nose was pretty red.

"I’m sorry, we can go back if you want" – Sara said stopping and watching her face with concern.

"No, it’s okay" – Ava rubbed her hands together -"The cold keeps you awake" – she said, for a moment thinking about all the nights she had spend wide awake on camp, with the cold keeping her on her feet.

"Look, about the other day" – the blonde took a deep breath – "I’m sorry by the way i spoke to you, you didn’t deserve it" – she sighed – "it’s just, this time of the year you know ? it’s still hard for me… to think about them."

"It’s okay, you don’t have to explain" – Ava didn’t need to ask who Sara was talking about – "So, how long have you been seeing Amaya ? If you don’t mind me asking,"

"I don’t mind" – Sara smiled – "Almost since i moved here, about three years ago" – she looked at Lyra who was walking ahead of them – "She’s really good, helped a lot" – Ava nodded –" Is it working for you ?"

"Well" – Ava trailed of – "I have good days and bad days, and sometimes worse and better days" – she laughed –" but i know talking to someone helps, as hard as it is for me, i know i have to do it, even if sometimes i don’t want to."

"I get it" – Sara said, and Ava knew she did, she really did – "Wanna tell me what this bad day was about ?"

"It’s just" – she cleared her throat and looked at Sara’s eyes, she didn’t see pity on them, she only saw understanding and curiosity, maybe a little bit of worry too ? – "Somedays I feel lost and i don’t want anyone to know how lost i am, hell sometimes i don’t even want to think about how lost i am."

"Well you know, you don’t have to pretend with me" – Sara squeezed her hand and Ava could swear that warm spread trough her entire body.

"I’m very good at hiding things" – she sighed, not letting go of the blonde’s hands.

"Well you know, playing hide and seek is boring if no one’s seeking and you’re just hiding."

"Are you offering to seek ?" – she asked smirking.

"If you want me to" – Sara said without missing a beat, Ava couldn’t help it this time, she looked at Sara’s face, the blonde smiled at her.

"It’s like one day i’m fine and the others…I’m struggling."

"With what?"

"Everything" – she sighed - "life in general i guess."

"Life is hard" – Sara breathed.

"Tell me about it" – Ava chuckled.

They walked for about an hour, Ava didn’t know where they were going, but Sara clearly did, so she followed her. They took a turn and Sara announced that they should get back, the entire time they had been holding hands, and Ava hadn’t notice until she try to bend down to throw the branch at Lyra, in that moment she let go of Sara’s hand.

"I should have grabbed my gloves" – she said rubbing her hands again trying to warm them up, she almost couldn’t feel her fingers.

"Come here" – Sara stopped walking and took Ava’s hands between hers, rubbed them together for a few minutes, Ava could only feel the warm of Sara’s hands, she could smell the peach of Sara’s hair because of how close they were standing, she looked at Sara’s face, the way her skin was looking pale and the freckles stood up on it, her thin pink lips, luckily she got out of it before Sara could see her.

"Better ?" – the shorter blonde asked, still rubbing Ava’s hands.

"Yeah" – she said – "Better."

"Come on, we better hurry up so we can drink something warm inside."

They walked back a little bit faster, Ava, her cane and leg considered. They made it back to Ava’s house, as soon as they were in she put the kettle on.

"Do you want me to light up the fireplace ?" – Sara asked rubbing her hands together.

"Sure" – Ava walked to her –" I haven’t light it up yet."

"It’s okay" – Sara bent down and after a couple of minutes of fumbling with it, and a few clouds of smoke involved, the fire was on – "That’s better" – she smiled – "Come on, get closer, warm up a little" – she said to Ava.

"Oh god" – she took the jacket off and put her hands near the fire – "That feels good."

"It does" – Sara smiled at her side. 

They stood for a couple of minutes looking at each other, and just as Sara opened her mouth to say something, the kettle began to whistle, taking the out Ava went back to the kitchen. The blonde came back a few minutes later with two cups of tea, they took a seat on the couch, Lyra at her owner’s feet.

"I should be going" – Sara said after a few minutes, standing up and leaving the cup on the coffee table – "I’m taking over Zari’s."

"Sure" – Ava stood up and walked Sara to the door, the blonde making sure to zip her jacket.

"So, you have my number, call me if you need anything or you know… if you want to talk about anything" – Sara got closer to Ava, but the blonde had a knee jerk reaction and took a step back, Sara frowned for a second but the expression was gone just as soon as it had come.

"Sure" – Ava mumbled already slapping herself mentally – "Thanks, have a good day."

"You too" – Sara gave her a smile and left.

Ava closed the door and stood with her back against it for a few minutes.

"Why am i such an idiot ?" – she asked out loud, she shook her head and made her way to the couch, taking both cups and washing them on the sink – "You’re an idiot Ava Sharpe" – she breathed, Lyra looked at her with a curios expression on her face.

After that Ava spend her entire time studying, trying to get the stupid reaction she had have out of her head, everytime she remembered it she mentally slapped herself and shook her head sighing, why did she have to be so damn awkward ?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Ava opens up and Sara is there to listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, are you getting bored of me already? I did say this is a slow burn, i promise good things are coming. 
> 
> As always if you like the story please drop a comment or kudo, i love to hear your opinions.

Sara and Ava had been texting almost all week, sometimes the shorter blonde would just send funny memes to Ava, the taller blonde couldn’t help but laugh every single time. They had decided to meet for lunch near the lake that day, but the weather had taken a turn and Ava woke up to the sound of raining, she stretched on bed, kissed Lyra good morning and then went down the stairs to begin her day. She was drinking coffee when a text from Sara got in.

“So, i don’t know if you’re up yet but it’s raining” Ava chuckled.

“I’ve noticed”

“Okay, smartass. Do you wanna cancel or…?”

“Why don’t you come over ? I’ll cook”

“Okay, what should i bring ?”

“Just yourself”

“You mean me, my cute freckles and my charming personality ?”

“Bye Sara, see you later” Ava texted back laughing.

Then the blonde texted Nora, the brunette had been pestering not stop asking things about Sara, but Ava was not ready yet to talk about feelings, or whatever it was that had been happening with the beautiful blonde. Nora was asking about therapy, truth was, Ava was still having a hard time sleeping, so Amaya had given her some sleeping pills, but she refused to take them. She was tired and the nightmares made everything worse, but the blonde was not a fan of pills.

“I understand where you are coming from honey, but promise me you’ll take them if you really need them, okay ?”

“I promise. Don’t worry i’m managing just fine for now, i mean yes, i am tired, but i’ll try to catch some sleep, i promise”

“Okay” Ava could hear Nora sighing even though they were texting “Let me know how lunch with Sara goes”

“Okay. I have to cook, talk later”

“Okay honey, bye”

Ava left the phone on the kitchen table and began to chop vegetables for the home made pasta she was about to cook. She hadn’t checked with Sara but she had seen the blonde eat anything so she thought there will be no problem. Checking the recipe she added onions and stirred for a few minutes, then came the red bell pepper and soon her kitchen was filled with an amazing smell, that only got better when she added garlic to the frying pan. While that cooked Ava took the flour and now her kitchen counter was filled with white dust all over, she was kneading when she heard knocking on her door.

"Hi – she said cleaning her hands on the apron she was wearing, Sara smiled at her without saying anything – What ?"

"You have something here" – the blonde said, then she brought her hand closer and dusted some flour from Ava’s cheek – "There you go" – Ava stood there for a few seconds, still feeling the smooth skin of Sara’s hands on her cheek, thankfully the shorter blonde didn’t notice because Lyra came running from the kitchen to greet her.

“Come in” – Ava said finally.

“Smells amazing here” – Sara followed to the kitchen and took a sit on the stool – “Are you making pasta ?”

“Yes” – Ava stirred the vegetables and then turned off the stove – “You don’t like it?” – she asked concerned.

“Are you kidding ? I love pasta” – Sara smiled and Ava couldn’t help but stare at the cute dimples on the blonde’s face –“ Is there something i can help with ?”

“You can pour me a glass of wine” – Sara nodded and Ava gave her a corkscrew .

“Good thing i brought red then” – she smiled while pouring a glass for each of them.

“So, how was your week ?” – Ava asked while putting water to boil in a cooking pot .

“You know, working at the diner, taking walks, runs” – Sara sipped wine from her glass – “Talking to a beautiful blonde” – Ava flushed but didn’t say anything, she pretended to stir the sauce – “How’s your been ?” – Sara asked, changing the subject.

“Studying mostly” – Ava began to set the plates – “going to therapy, physiotherapy, taking walks with this beauty” – she said scratching Lyra’s head – “Nothing out of the ordinary.”

The rain began to pour while they ate, the house was beggining to feel cold and Sara offered to light up the fireplace once again.

“I’ll wash” – the blonde said when they finished the meal.

“What ? No, that’s not necessary” – Ava objected.

“You cooked, come on let me” – Sara insisted and Ava relented – “You can make us coffee in the meantime” – Sara smiled.

“Yeah, okay” – the blonde turned on the coffee maker while searching for cups for the both of them –“ How’s Zari ?”

“She’s great, making arrangements for the holidays” – Ava raised her eyebrow, and Sara saw her – “Yeah, she and her family don’t celebrate but her parents and brother get those free days, so she always goes to visit.”

“Oh, that’s great” – so that meant that they would be alone for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Once Sara was done with the washing they moved to the couch, and even though the fireplace was now lit and the house was warmer, Ava took a blanket and placed it over her and Sara’s leg, they sipped coffee in silence while watching the flames.

“You never asked” – Ava said suddenly, damn her mouth working faster than her brain.

“About what ?” – Sara asked confused.

“About my leg” – Ava sighed and took some distance from the blonde.

“Well, i mean, yes i was curious but didn’t want to pry” – the blonde said simply.

“We were moving camp” – Ava began, and she didn’t know why, but she wanted to tell the blonde – “My superior had gotten a tip, rebels may attack us, so he decided to move camp to another secure location” – she took a deep breath – “He was my superior and i was second in command, the team was split in two trucks, everything was fine, we were complaining about the hot weather and the sand” – she smiled sadly – “Then out of nowhere we were attacked, the other truck was flying trough the air, and mine did next, we barely had time to put on our helmets” – she was shaking slightly now – “When i woke up i was trapped under the truck, well i mean my leg was under the truck” – she glanced at her left leg – “I think i was bleeding from my head too” – she said trying to remember everything –“ I could see my friend’s body laying down a couple of meters away” – she couldn’t help it, a few tears fell down her face, the blonde dried them quickly with the sweater she was wearing – “I don’t exactly know how many hours had passed when i heard movement, it was Rip, my superior, he told me he had already called for an emergency evacuation” – the blonde took a deep breath – “he didn’t make it, in fact i’m the only one who made it alive” – fresh tears felt down her face again –“ I woke up on a plane and they were bringing me home, then i woke up at the hospital, Nora was already there. I had to spend a few weeks there, then went to live with Nora, Ray and Jake” – she smiled a little – “Until the city became too much and i decided to move here.”

“I’m sorry Aves” – Sara had been silence the entire time, letting Ava talk, letting the blonde said whatever she needed, the nickname had slipped from the blonde’s lips, but now she couldn’t take it back. Sara scooted closer to Ava and took her hand between hers, the taller blonde smiled sadly to her, tears still streaming down her face – “I’m sorry that you had to go trough that, but i’m glad you ‘re here now” – then the blonde got even closer to Ava, she placed both of her hands over Ava’s shoulders, and then enveloped her in a hug, Ava couldn’t help but rest her head on Sara’s shoulder, smelling the peach essence of the blonde’s hair, and hugging her as tight as Sara was hugging her –“ I’m glad you’re here” – Sara whispered near Ava’s ear.

“Me too” – she said weakly.

For a few minutes they stood there, frozen in time, until Lyra began to feel agitated.

“I’m fine Lyra” – Ava extracted herself from the hug – “I’m sorry she gets agitated when i’m like this” – she apologized, avoiding looking at the blonde.

“It’s okay” – Sara said.

“I’ll be back in a second” – Ava stood up and without waiting for an answer she made a beeline to the bathroom, once there she washed her face and took a couple of deep breaths, only going back to the kitchen when she felt she could breath again.

“So, should we make some popcorn and watch a movie ?” – Sara asked glancing at the window, while throwing more firewood in the fireplace, Ava couldn’t thank her enough for changing the subject.

“Sounds perfect” – the taller blonde said while moving to the kitchen, Sara smiled to herself knowing she had made the right choice by changing subjects.

They ended up watching a rom-com that lifted the mood, sitting close to each other, with the blanket over both of her legs, Lyra on the floor while Sara scratched her head. A bowl of popcorn between them, a few times their fingers had touched each others when both reached for popcorn at the same time, but they pretended not to notice. Ava paused the movie to make some tea and then took her sit beside Sara again, the shorter blonde smiled sweetly at Ava, and the blonde smiled back, wait, were those ? Were those butterflies in her stomach ? Ava shook her head and put the blanket over their legs again.

The movie ended and Sara stood up to wash their cups, while Ava folded the blanket and left it on the couch.

“I should be going, it’s getting late and i have the early shift tomorrow” – Sara said while drying her hands – “Thanks for the lunch, it was delicious” – she smiled.

“I’m glad you liked it” – Ava smiled back – “I could drop by the diner tomorrow.”

“Craving pancakes ?” – Sara smirked.

“Maybe” – the taller blonde fumbled with her hands and then placed them on the back pockets of her jeans. She walked Sara to the door.

“I had a great time” – Sara said leaning against the frame of the door, her hands on the front pockets of her jeans.

“Me too” – Ava said smiling.

“Okay, look, call me for anything you need, okay ? I know i’ve already said it, but even if it is just to talk, call me, or text me, whatever you prefer, but don’t doubt to do it.”

“Okay” – Ava breathed out, then took another deep breath and before she could change her mind she leaned closer and placed a kiss on the blonde’s cheeks – “Thank you Sara.”

“You… You’re welcome” – this time it was her the one stuttering – “See you.”

“See you” – Ava watched her – “Be careful” – she added, Sara turned back smirking.

“Worrying about me ?”

“Bye Lance” – Ava shook her head and closed the door, but she watched the blonde walking trough the forest from the window, until she couldn’t see her anymore and let out the breath that she had been holding.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava has a really rough night and Sara is there to help her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys please remember the trigger warnings for this fic: nightmares, night terrors, anxiety attacks and panic attacks.
> 
> As always if you like this story please leave a comment or kudo.

It had been a good couple of days for Ava, she had been able to catch some seriously needed hours of sleep, she and Sara had been texting almost daily and already had plans for the weekend. She had also facetimed with Nora, the blonde had told her friend about the chat she had had with Sara, Nora was proud of her, for being brave enough to tell someone else the story of what had happened that day. The blonde however was worried, she felt confused, and scared, because she enjoyed spending time with Sara, talking to her, watching her, but what if it was only from her side ? What if the blonde didn’t feel the same way ? Hell not even herself knew what exactly she felt towards the shorter blonde, all she could think about was that a smile was plastered in her face everytime she got a new text from Sara, and she felt warm inside, like the first day of sun in a week of rain. She had been talking to Amaya too, it had been really hard at first, especially because Sara was her patient too, but after Amaya told her for the thousand time that she was not able to tell Sara whatever they talked about, she relented. Ava had told the brunette what she felt, the anxiety and the fear, but also about the warm, about how her mood could change with something as simply as Sara asking her to go out and take a walk. Amaya had told her that the only way she could get some certainty about if Sara felt the same way or not, was to tell her how she felt, but Ava was not ready for that. What if Sara rejected her ? She could lose the only friend she had had in a long time, besides Nora, she was not ready for that.

Still thinking about the earlier therapy season that had taken place a few hours prior, Ava was making herself a cup of tea while scrolling down trough Facebook, it was almost eight pm and she didn’t feel like studying anymore but maybe, she should have done that.

Ava had just taken a sit on the stool in the kitchen, her phone in one hand, a warm cup of tea in the other, when she saw it. There in her feed was Morgan. Emma had made a post that said “Morgan taking her first steps, wish Nate could be here to see her, we miss you Daddy” and there it was, Nate’s daughter was taking her first steps and he was not by her side. Inmediately Ava could feel her heart racing, all she could see was Nate lying on the ground, unmoving, a couple of meters away from her, she could feel again the sand and blood in her mouth, Lyra began to barke noticing right away the state her owner was. Ava slided down to the floor, her phone and the cup forgotten on the kitchen table, her entire body was shaking, she kept her knees near to her chest and hide her face between them, trying to breath, Lyra was beside her, licking her face and with her paws trying to get Ava’s head out of between her legs, the blonde complied, Lyra instantly faced her and Ava wrapped her arms around the dog, Lyra kept her front paws on Ava’s shoulder, they had done this so many times, they both knew the routine. Ava’s heart was still racing, she was gasping for air, but after a few minutes she was able to take a deep breath, still hugging Lyra. About fifteen minutes later she was able to breath normally again, however, she stayed on the floor for about twenty minutes more before she felt that her shaky legs would actually support her. Ava checked her watch, she knew that if a panic attack lasted longer than thirty minutes she had to go to the hospital, but thankfully it hadn’t come to that, besides how would she get herself there ? She couldn’t drive in the middle of a panic attack, she would have to call an ambulance and that was exactly the last thing she ever wanted. Standing up, slowly she made her way upstairs, Lyra following her, Ava discarded her clothes once in the bathroom and filled the bathtub with hot water, her pale skin looking a furious red after she finished scrubing it, she needed to get the feel of sand out of her skin. Lyra was in the bathroom with her, whining once in a while, Ava calming her down scratching her head, wet hand and all. Half an hour later she had put fresh pijamas on, too tired to check the doors and windows from downstairs, Ava went to bed, this time Lyra sleeping on it, right beside her.

\---------------------------

"¡Sharpe wake up!" – someone was screaming close to her, the blonde struggled to open her eyes, she was tired, so tired - "¡Major Sharpe, wake up that’s an order!" – she opened her eyes right away.

There he was, Rip was leaning against the truck, one of his hands on her leg, apparently she was trying to shake her awake.

"Rip ?" – she asked, her voice was hoarse, and she could feel sand in it, she needed water. 

"Don’t fall asleep on me" – her superior said, he sounded tired too.

"How long was i out ?" – she asked, her mouth felt so dry.

"A couple of minutes, i fell asleep too" – Rip was applying pressure to his stomach, but he looked really pale and his hands were covered in blood.

They stayed in silence for a while, the only thing Ava could see was the sky, she couldn’t raise her upper body without using too much strenght, and she didn’t want to look to the right side, Nate’s body was lying right there.

"Listen Sharpe" – Rip croaked out breaking the silence –" I don’t want you to blame yourself for this" – he took a deep breath – "This is all my fault" – she listened in silence because the thing was, that it was his fault – "You’re gonna make it Ava" – the emotion was clear in his voice, he had known her for several years now – "You’re one of the strongest person i know, you’re gonna get out of here and live your life" – he took a deep breath – "You’re gonna give yourself the chance to be happy, and you won’t blame yourself for this" – He sounded out of breath – "Promise me" – she couldn’t, how could she do that ? Everyone was dead and she was suppossed to be happy ? – "Ava please, promise me."

The blonde raised her upper body then, making a lot effort, the pain clear in her face, she looked at Rip, he was even paled than before, he was not even applying pressure at his wound.

"Promise me" – he repeated.

"I promise" – because what else was she suppossed to say ? 

"Good, good" – Rip repeated, he nodded and gave her a little smile –" Be strong" – she nodded.

"Rip you need to apply pressure" – she said – "Rip" – but the man was not listening to her anymore, his head had rolled to one side – "Rip wake up" – the panic raising in her voice – "Rip wake up !" – she screamed, over and over again, but he was gone.

Ava couldn’t help it then, she let the tears stream down her face, she was alone now. She looked to the side.

"Nate please" – she sobbed, this couldn’t be happening, this was just a nightmare and she would wake up any moment now – "Nate please, Morgan is waiting for you back home" – she sobbed – "Nate your daughter is waiting for you" – her friend didn’t move – "Nate please !"  
\---------------------

Ava woke up covered in sweat, her face was wet and she was trashing with the sheets, she gasped for air, her senses were in overload, there was a buzzing in her ears, Lyra was barking at her and she felt disoriented, her mouth was dry and the sobs that were ripping trough her throat wracked her entire body. A couple of minutes had passed, Lyra was doing her best and Ava was trying too, but it was too much. She looked around trying to get her mind to focus on anything, she spotted her cellphone on the nightstand, and without thinking too much she called the last person she had been talking to.

"Ava ?" – it had taken a couple of rings, but the blonde had finally picked the call – "It’s late, what is this ? A booty call ?" – she chuckled, but Ava didn’t answer, she couldn’t speak – "Ava ?" – opening her eyes for real this time, the shorter blonde checked the id caller to be sure she was talking to Ava – "Are you okay ?" – still the blonde couldn’t answer, but Sara could hear some gasping on the other end of the line, and Lyra was barking like she had never heard her before – "Do you need help ?" – Ava gasped for air again, trying to speak – "Okay, if you need help just press any button" – Ava did – "Okay, i’m coming okay, i’m coming."

Sara scrambled out of bed, not even bothering to change her pajamas, she took the keys to hers and Zari’s car and raced downstairs. She arrived to the blonde’s house in record time, thankfully the door was unlocked, she went inside and after checking quickly that there was no one downstairs, she climbed upstairs. She knocked on the door, of course she didn’t get an answer, and went in.

Ava was sitting on bed, rocking back and forth, hugging her knees to her chest, her head resting on them, Lyra was barking like crazy.

"Lyra silence" – she said, and somehow the dog obeyed her.

"Ava i’m here" – she said with a soft voice – "I’m here okay, are you having a panic attack ?" – she asked, taking a seat on the bed but careful of not touching the blonde, Ava nodded – "How long ?" – Ava tried to answer, but the air wouldn’t get into her lungs –" Hey, it’s okay, i assure you, you can breath okay ? Just try to take a deep breath and tell me how long has this been going on."

"Almost half an hour" – she rushed the words.

"Okay" – Sara exhaled – "You know we need to go the hospital."

"Please no" – Ava begged, her voice hoarse – "Not the hospital."

"Okay, okay" – the shorter blonde pinched the bridge of her nose – "Can i touch you ? Let me try something and if it doesn’t work, we’ll go straight to the hospital" – Ava nodded.

Sara stood up and took a seat behind Ava this time, the taller blonde’s back against her chest, she placed her legs at the sides of Ava’s hip, and wrapped her arms around her. Ava was still rocking back and forth, so she rocked with her, only coaxing her to do it slower each time, when the rocking had almost came to stop, Sara took Ava’s hands between her, intertwined their fingers, forcing the blonde softly to relax her arms, then Sara placed one of her feet between the back of Ava’s, slowly, very slowly forcing her to stretch her legs, relaxing them. The rocking had stopped now, but Ava was still breathing hard, Sara coaxed her to rest her head on her shoulder.

"Okay Aves, you’re doing great"" – she whispered softly next to the blonde’s ear – "Now try to take breaths with me, okay ? Just try" – the shorter blonde took a deep breath, Ava feeling Sara’s chest rising and then falling against her back, after a couple of minutes of trying she could follow Sara’s rythm – "That’s great" – Sara whispered again – "That’s great, you’re okay."

They stayed like that for about fifteen minutes, for a moment Sara thought that the blonde had fallen asleep on her arms, but then she felt Ava shaking a little, she took a look at the blonde’s face and saw that she was crying again, the taller blonde dried the tears and hid her face in her hands.

"Hey, what’s wrong ?" – Sara asked softly, rubbing her hands up and down Ava’s arms.

"I’m sorry" – the blonde mumbled – "I’m sorry."

"Hey, look at me" – Sara took Ava’s hands between hers, then with the back of her hand she wiped Ava’s tears – "You have nothing to be sorry for, nothing" – the blonde was looking down, but with her index finger, Sara raised her chin and looked straight into ocean blue eyes – "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, you understand me ?" – Ava nodded – "Good" – she smiled a little –" Now try to get some sleep" – she tried to move out of the bed, but Ava stopped her – "What is it ?"

"Will you stay here with me ?" – she mumbled – "Until i fall asleep ?"

"Yeah" – Sara smiled again – "I’ll stay, just try to rest" – Sara moved further down on Ava’s bed, she rested her head on one of the pillows, she could smell Ava’s vanilla essence – "Come Lyra, it’s okay" – she patted the other side of the bed, and Lyra was there in a second – "Let’s sleep" – before she could catch herself she had kissed Ava’s forehead. The blonde’s head was still resting on her chest, Sara had one arm under her, holding her waist and her hand was resting on the blonde’s stomach and the other was holding Ava’s hand. It took her a few minutes to fall asleep, Ava however was out like a light, Sara took one last look around and closed her eyes feeling the weight of Ava’s on top of her.


End file.
